I swear each year goes by faster and faster.
I did something unthinkable and stuck to a resolution this year. I managed to get into blogging again. And have become totally addicted to it. Its like I have this almighty yearning to go to a computer and type up some bullshit. I don't think people appreciate how much blogging can help you get things off your chest. I mean would people prefer that they get even more bullshit from me, than what they all ready do?
This year has had a lot of low points, with having a few people I'm close to die, and also a suicide attempt a few months ago. I have struggled this year both financially and mentally. Without having a release or any of my friends to rely on, I really doubt I could have made it without any of them. So thank you. Thats the people I have befriended through this site, the GC fam, work pals, College pals, rosyth Peoples, cowdenbeath/kelty peoples and basically anyone who has offered me something to lean on this past year. I love you all.
There has been some good things this year, like seeing Nofx for the first time in 8 years, having banter with many bands including Dogsflesh, Outl4w and 4PM. Just going to gigs generally makes me happy. I am planning on some more gigs this year, seeing as I missed out on some in 09. Mostly because its been the year, when I've never had money. Which is fail, its like I work to get by, and thats it.
Hope everyone has a grand Hogmanay, whatever you're doing. See ya in 2010.
Thursday, 31 December 2009
So, thats another year gone.
I swear each year goes by faster and faster.
I did something unthinkable and stuck to a resolution this year. I managed to get into blogging again. And have become totally addicted to it. Its like I have this almighty yearning to go to a computer and type up some bullshit. I don't think people appreciate how much blogging can help you get things off your chest. I mean would people prefer that they get even more bullshit from me, than what they all ready do?
This year has had a lot of low points, with having a few people I'm close to die, and also a suicide attempt a few months ago. I have struggled this year both financially and mentally. Without having a release or any of my friends to rely on, I really doubt I could have made it without any of them. So thank you. Thats the people I have befriended through this site, the GC fam, work pals, College pals, rosyth Peoples, cowdenbeath/kelty peoples and basically anyone who has offered me something to lean on this past year. I love you all.
There has been some good things this year, like seeing Nofx for the first time in 8 years, having banter with many bands including Dogsflesh, Outl4w and 4PM. Just going to gigs generally makes me happy. I am planning on some more gigs this year, seeing as I missed out on some in 09. Mostly because its been the year, when I've never had money. Which is fail, its like I work to get by, and thats it.
Hope everyone has a grand Hogmanay, whatever you're doing. See ya in 2010.
I did something unthinkable and stuck to a resolution this year. I managed to get into blogging again. And have become totally addicted to it. Its like I have this almighty yearning to go to a computer and type up some bullshit. I don't think people appreciate how much blogging can help you get things off your chest. I mean would people prefer that they get even more bullshit from me, than what they all ready do?
This year has had a lot of low points, with having a few people I'm close to die, and also a suicide attempt a few months ago. I have struggled this year both financially and mentally. Without having a release or any of my friends to rely on, I really doubt I could have made it without any of them. So thank you. Thats the people I have befriended through this site, the GC fam, work pals, College pals, rosyth Peoples, cowdenbeath/kelty peoples and basically anyone who has offered me something to lean on this past year. I love you all.
There has been some good things this year, like seeing Nofx for the first time in 8 years, having banter with many bands including Dogsflesh, Outl4w and 4PM. Just going to gigs generally makes me happy. I am planning on some more gigs this year, seeing as I missed out on some in 09. Mostly because its been the year, when I've never had money. Which is fail, its like I work to get by, and thats it.
Hope everyone has a grand Hogmanay, whatever you're doing. See ya in 2010.
Wednesday, 30 December 2009
Umm....
I came on a realisation today.
You can achieve all your dreams, and still not be satisfied. Wow, that's depressing. But for some odd reason, it made me feel a bit better. I mean, I think its because when you have hopes and dreams, you still have something to aspire for. Which is what people need as they go through their mundane lives. If you have no more aspirations, then its like you have no hopes left. Thats really sad.
So although I sounded quite depressed on my last blog, I am of the opinion that I have most of my life still to live. And, at the moment, I am quite excited about that prospect. I mean look at everything I've learned over the last 25 years. Ok, I may be a bit on the slow side sometimes, but I have learnt quite a lot.
As long as you always aspire, you will always live a life.
Ok, I felt there was a mood with this blog so I went with it. My mate Gemma has given me her cheese. Ok that sounds dirty. haha.
Anywho, I'm quite happy cause I only had three days at work this week. And have a New Years party at my friends flat, when I finish work at 11. I have been invited to two parties. But I'm gonna be lucky to get to the flat in Rosyth before midnight, never mind going all the way to Kelty. Especially when the people who I'd get lift off, aren't working. All the buses will be cut off early, so I'd have to get a taxi, which I cant afford. espec when I can walk down to Amy and Jims bit.
You can achieve all your dreams, and still not be satisfied. Wow, that's depressing. But for some odd reason, it made me feel a bit better. I mean, I think its because when you have hopes and dreams, you still have something to aspire for. Which is what people need as they go through their mundane lives. If you have no more aspirations, then its like you have no hopes left. Thats really sad.
So although I sounded quite depressed on my last blog, I am of the opinion that I have most of my life still to live. And, at the moment, I am quite excited about that prospect. I mean look at everything I've learned over the last 25 years. Ok, I may be a bit on the slow side sometimes, but I have learnt quite a lot.
As long as you always aspire, you will always live a life.
Ok, I felt there was a mood with this blog so I went with it. My mate Gemma has given me her cheese. Ok that sounds dirty. haha.
Anywho, I'm quite happy cause I only had three days at work this week. And have a New Years party at my friends flat, when I finish work at 11. I have been invited to two parties. But I'm gonna be lucky to get to the flat in Rosyth before midnight, never mind going all the way to Kelty. Especially when the people who I'd get lift off, aren't working. All the buses will be cut off early, so I'd have to get a taxi, which I cant afford. espec when I can walk down to Amy and Jims bit.
Tuesday, 29 December 2009
I dunno anymore....
What do you do when the people you hold up and aspire to be, die?
I wish I had an answer. I'm sitting on my bed shell-shocked about the death of Avenged Sevenfold drummer Jimmy Sullivan (aka The Rev). Its totally taken me by suprise. The thing is, it appears he died of natural causes, and he was only 28. I turn 26 this year, so he was only a few years older than me. Its a horrible feeling. That sounds really selfish, when I think about it. But I suppose it isn't till someone dies. you evaluate your own life, and ultimately decide on how empty it has been.
I felt like this when Brittany Murphy died, it was like although never meeting either, I felt this massive sense of loss, because of the level of admiration I held for them. Its sad. Brittany was 32 when she died. and again, thats not that much older than myself. I suppose as you go on about your day to day life, you just ignore mortality. But events like this, brings it more into consciousness, and I suppose you in turn think of what you achieved.
And that disappoints me. Cause all I see in my life is a series of failure after failure. I just think that I'm 25, still living with my folks, still at college, and still having a shitty part-time job. Nothing has changed since I left school, really. Yes, I try to better myself, but I can't seem to get myself out of this rut. I think, here I am, and nothing has changed in the last 7 years. *sigh*
What can I do to change things? Move out, get a full time job?
The thing is, having a job gives me money to go to college, and at least then I am doing something I love. Whereas, if I worked in Sky full-time, I may just top myself. Again, I couldn't just do college, cause I like to feel that I'm earning my own money. So untill I have taken this as far as I can, I don't really want to give up. I just need to get my debts sorted get a new credit card, and swap everything over, and pay them off. And the like. I have phone bill, loans, credit cards, and laptop to pay for, so I can't afford to give up my work.
Life is a shitter. I can't afford rent, so I can't get a flat. So I'm kinda stuck.
But I do enjoy somethings, I love my music, I love my friends. I love the fact that I am doing something I want, and getting better at it. I feel lucky I can express my feelings quite openly, whether its in a blog, like this, or in a drawing. I appreciate so much music, I always have something to go along with whatever mood I am in, and for that I am so thankful for.
I'm thankful that I have a wide range of idols, who have helped shaped me and my ideals: Benji Madden (obv), Lars Fredrikson, Patti Smith, Oscar Wilde, Bob Marley, Ellen Page, Kat Von D, Tsugumi Ohba, Kevin Smith, Kazuya Minekura, April Flores, Nikki Sixx, Stan Lee, Paul Cezanne, Paul McCartney, David Bowie, Frederic Bazille, John Constable and John Grisham. These are artists, musicians and general 'good folk' who give me inspiration in my day to day life. If any of them are unknown to you, google them, and be inspired.
I wish I had an answer. I'm sitting on my bed shell-shocked about the death of Avenged Sevenfold drummer Jimmy Sullivan (aka The Rev). Its totally taken me by suprise. The thing is, it appears he died of natural causes, and he was only 28. I turn 26 this year, so he was only a few years older than me. Its a horrible feeling. That sounds really selfish, when I think about it. But I suppose it isn't till someone dies. you evaluate your own life, and ultimately decide on how empty it has been.
I felt like this when Brittany Murphy died, it was like although never meeting either, I felt this massive sense of loss, because of the level of admiration I held for them. Its sad. Brittany was 32 when she died. and again, thats not that much older than myself. I suppose as you go on about your day to day life, you just ignore mortality. But events like this, brings it more into consciousness, and I suppose you in turn think of what you achieved.
And that disappoints me. Cause all I see in my life is a series of failure after failure. I just think that I'm 25, still living with my folks, still at college, and still having a shitty part-time job. Nothing has changed since I left school, really. Yes, I try to better myself, but I can't seem to get myself out of this rut. I think, here I am, and nothing has changed in the last 7 years. *sigh*
What can I do to change things? Move out, get a full time job?
The thing is, having a job gives me money to go to college, and at least then I am doing something I love. Whereas, if I worked in Sky full-time, I may just top myself. Again, I couldn't just do college, cause I like to feel that I'm earning my own money. So untill I have taken this as far as I can, I don't really want to give up. I just need to get my debts sorted get a new credit card, and swap everything over, and pay them off. And the like. I have phone bill, loans, credit cards, and laptop to pay for, so I can't afford to give up my work.
Life is a shitter. I can't afford rent, so I can't get a flat. So I'm kinda stuck.
But I do enjoy somethings, I love my music, I love my friends. I love the fact that I am doing something I want, and getting better at it. I feel lucky I can express my feelings quite openly, whether its in a blog, like this, or in a drawing. I appreciate so much music, I always have something to go along with whatever mood I am in, and for that I am so thankful for.
I'm thankful that I have a wide range of idols, who have helped shaped me and my ideals: Benji Madden (obv), Lars Fredrikson, Patti Smith, Oscar Wilde, Bob Marley, Ellen Page, Kat Von D, Tsugumi Ohba, Kevin Smith, Kazuya Minekura, April Flores, Nikki Sixx, Stan Lee, Paul Cezanne, Paul McCartney, David Bowie, Frederic Bazille, John Constable and John Grisham. These are artists, musicians and general 'good folk' who give me inspiration in my day to day life. If any of them are unknown to you, google them, and be inspired.
Monday, 21 December 2009
Hurt
Today I messed up
I broke my promise to you
I said I wouldn't do it again
But I'm lost without you
To live with the prospect
Of walking this world alone
To have no-one by my side
To catch me when I fall
I know I hurt you
But it's truly not my fault
I can't do this no more
Not on my own
I know this isn't really poetry, but its angsty writing, I felt I needed to share.
I broke my promise to you
I said I wouldn't do it again
But I'm lost without you
To live with the prospect
Of walking this world alone
To have no-one by my side
To catch me when I fall
I know I hurt you
But it's truly not my fault
I can't do this no more
Not on my own
I know this isn't really poetry, but its angsty writing, I felt I needed to share.
The day after the night before
Feeling kinda rough today.
Had my works night out last night, and it was great. Had about ten pints of lager and was kinda wasted at the end of the night. Was good though. Well, I enjoyed it. As with all work nights out, there was a bit of drama. It was between Sam, Jade and Jen. Jade's one of the new members of the team, and Jen and Sam have been pals for a while now. They are all involved with guys, but Jade was all over everyone, especially Sam. Jen didn't want to take part in their messing around, so she was completely ignored by Sam and Jade.
I mean they were sitting snogging in the toilets. Sam has a boyfriend and Jade is engaged, and I hate cheating. I'm trying to not be judgemental about it, but its hard when I saw how hurt Jen was.
I think work is going to be slightly awkward tonight. I hope it isn't, but I just have that feeling.
Other than that, everyone got on, and it was a good, if expensive night. Sky had £300 behind the bar, and it lasted less than an hour.
I still haven't been payed from my work, I get paid on Wednesday, and its going to be rush of christmas shopping. Heading to Kirkaldy on do some shopping, actually I mean all my shopping. I have my little sister a necklace, but that's about it. I don't even know what I'm getting everyone. *sigh*
I don't understand how I'm so far behind on shopping, I mean its not like christmas sneaks up on us every year. Its always the same. I am getting worse and worse about buying, because I feel like ignoring it, and it won't come. I've been doing that way too much lately. Its not just presents, its my bills, I just ignore them, and end up getting in a lot of bother. Its like I feel like I'm trying to get my feet cleared, but the banks and things just keep on charging me. I mean its not fair. How am I supposed to help myself when I go to the bank, and all they can offer is a paid account, which still limits me on my overdraft.
Stupid everything.
Had my works night out last night, and it was great. Had about ten pints of lager and was kinda wasted at the end of the night. Was good though. Well, I enjoyed it. As with all work nights out, there was a bit of drama. It was between Sam, Jade and Jen. Jade's one of the new members of the team, and Jen and Sam have been pals for a while now. They are all involved with guys, but Jade was all over everyone, especially Sam. Jen didn't want to take part in their messing around, so she was completely ignored by Sam and Jade.
I mean they were sitting snogging in the toilets. Sam has a boyfriend and Jade is engaged, and I hate cheating. I'm trying to not be judgemental about it, but its hard when I saw how hurt Jen was.
I think work is going to be slightly awkward tonight. I hope it isn't, but I just have that feeling.
Other than that, everyone got on, and it was a good, if expensive night. Sky had £300 behind the bar, and it lasted less than an hour.
I still haven't been payed from my work, I get paid on Wednesday, and its going to be rush of christmas shopping. Heading to Kirkaldy on do some shopping, actually I mean all my shopping. I have my little sister a necklace, but that's about it. I don't even know what I'm getting everyone. *sigh*
I don't understand how I'm so far behind on shopping, I mean its not like christmas sneaks up on us every year. Its always the same. I am getting worse and worse about buying, because I feel like ignoring it, and it won't come. I've been doing that way too much lately. Its not just presents, its my bills, I just ignore them, and end up getting in a lot of bother. Its like I feel like I'm trying to get my feet cleared, but the banks and things just keep on charging me. I mean its not fair. How am I supposed to help myself when I go to the bank, and all they can offer is a paid account, which still limits me on my overdraft.
Stupid everything.
The day after the night before
Feeling kinda rough today.
Had my works night out last night, and it was great. Had about ten pints of lager and was kinda wasted at the end of the night. Was good though. Well, I enjoyed it. As with all work nights out, there was a bit of drama. It was between Sam, Jade and Jen. Jade's one of the new members of the team, and Jen and Sam have been pals for a while now. They are all involved with guys, but Jade was all over everyone, especially Sam. Jen didn't want to take part in their messing around, so she was completely ignored by Sam and Jade.
I mean they were sitting snogging in the toilets. Sam has a boyfriend and Jade is engaged, and I hate cheating. I'm trying to not be judgemental about it, but its hard when I saw how hurt Jen was.
I think work is going to be slightly awkward tonight. I hope it isn't, but I just have that feeling.
Other than that, everyone got on, and it was a good, if expensive night. Sky had £300 behind the bar, and it lasted less than an hour.
I still haven't been payed from my work, I get paid on Wednesday, and its going to be rush of christmas shopping. Heading to Kirkaldy on do some shopping, actually I mean all my shopping. I have my little sister a necklace, but that's about it. I don't even know what I'm getting everyone. *sigh*
I don't understand how I'm so far behind on shopping, I mean its not like christmas sneaks up on us every year. Its always the same. I am getting worse and worse about buying, because I feel like ignoring it, and it won't come. I've been doing that way too much lately. Its not just presents, its my bills, I just ignore them, and end up getting in a lot of bother. Its like I feel like I'm trying to get my feet cleared, but the banks and things just keep on charging me. I mean its not fair. How am I supposed to help myself when I go to the bank, and all they can offer is a paid account, which still limits me on my overdraft.
Stupid everything.
Had my works night out last night, and it was great. Had about ten pints of lager and was kinda wasted at the end of the night. Was good though. Well, I enjoyed it. As with all work nights out, there was a bit of drama. It was between Sam, Jade and Jen. Jade's one of the new members of the team, and Jen and Sam have been pals for a while now. They are all involved with guys, but Jade was all over everyone, especially Sam. Jen didn't want to take part in their messing around, so she was completely ignored by Sam and Jade.
I mean they were sitting snogging in the toilets. Sam has a boyfriend and Jade is engaged, and I hate cheating. I'm trying to not be judgemental about it, but its hard when I saw how hurt Jen was.
I think work is going to be slightly awkward tonight. I hope it isn't, but I just have that feeling.
Other than that, everyone got on, and it was a good, if expensive night. Sky had £300 behind the bar, and it lasted less than an hour.
I still haven't been payed from my work, I get paid on Wednesday, and its going to be rush of christmas shopping. Heading to Kirkaldy on do some shopping, actually I mean all my shopping. I have my little sister a necklace, but that's about it. I don't even know what I'm getting everyone. *sigh*
I don't understand how I'm so far behind on shopping, I mean its not like christmas sneaks up on us every year. Its always the same. I am getting worse and worse about buying, because I feel like ignoring it, and it won't come. I've been doing that way too much lately. Its not just presents, its my bills, I just ignore them, and end up getting in a lot of bother. Its like I feel like I'm trying to get my feet cleared, but the banks and things just keep on charging me. I mean its not fair. How am I supposed to help myself when I go to the bank, and all they can offer is a paid account, which still limits me on my overdraft.
Stupid everything.
Thursday, 10 December 2009
This makes a change I am blogging from home today.
I actually do things other than go to college and work. I know, I'm shocked too.
What is more shocking, is the fact that I actually did work today. I made a pig, lol. Its supposed to be a piggy bank, but I can't think of how to get it looking more 'bank-like'. But its a good start.
I am now gonna sit and do a bit of writing, and try and finish the creative industries report that I have been trying to do for the last week and a bit. Its nice to take a more relaxed look at my work. I say relaxed, as relaxed as I can be with a hand in next week. I am still suprizingly chilled about the whole thing. Its odd. Panic stations should hit over the weekend, I mean next Friday, isn't long to get all this work done. -.- But at least I've found my motivation when I still have time left. Makes a change.
Oh I have a new wish list of things I want:
*Camera- like a proper professional looking camera, so I can get photopasses at gigs.
*External harddrive- so I can do a back-up all my digital art work
*Death Note anime set- just cause its braw
*Death Note movies- seen part one, I want part 2 also
*iMac/Macbook- just cause Apple is the sex. I want one.
*Super stereo- one that has a record player and an ipod dock- they are super braw.
And thats it, I don't want much, lol. The camera and the Mac is for my art :D, so they are essential. I can get a decent second hand camera for under £100. So yeah...
Wednesday, 9 December 2009
Blah
Get this.
First deadline for ALL my college work next week, and guess who is probably going to miss said deadline?
That's right. MEEEEE! (what a good guess)
The worrying thing is that I am not as stressed as I probably should be. Which is odd. I am usually at panic stations, but all I want to do is do other things. Such as drawing my character (whose name has changed from Kaiko to Kako).
Talking about Kako, I have went crazy drawing her. Its like I have been drawing her loads, and its the only thing I seem to have any productivity for. Its odd cause as a kid, I used to have all these dreams about 'foxy-people' and its like it is now I've finally found a way to put these thoughts into something productive. I felt that if i could start on something productive, I could transfer it across to my college work, which is easier said than done. I just can't focus at all.
Its like all I do right now is college and work, and that's it. Its driving me fecking mental.
First deadline for ALL my college work next week, and guess who is probably going to miss said deadline?
That's right. MEEEEE! (what a good guess)
The worrying thing is that I am not as stressed as I probably should be. Which is odd. I am usually at panic stations, but all I want to do is do other things. Such as drawing my character (whose name has changed from Kaiko to Kako).
Talking about Kako, I have went crazy drawing her. Its like I have been drawing her loads, and its the only thing I seem to have any productivity for. Its odd cause as a kid, I used to have all these dreams about 'foxy-people' and its like it is now I've finally found a way to put these thoughts into something productive. I felt that if i could start on something productive, I could transfer it across to my college work, which is easier said than done. I just can't focus at all.
Its like all I do right now is college and work, and that's it. Its driving me fecking mental.
Blah
Get this.
First deadline for ALL my college work next week, and guess who is probably going to miss said deadline?
That's right. MEEEEE! (what a good guess)
The worrying thing is that I am not as stressed as I probably should be. Which is odd. I am usually at panic stations, but all I want to do is do other things. Such as drawing my character (whose name has changed from Kaiko to Kako).
Talking about Kako, I have went crazy drawing her. Its like I have been drawing her loads, and its the only thing I seem to have any productivity for. Its odd cause as a kid, I used to have all these dreams about 'foxy-people' and its like it is now I've finally found a way to put these thoughts into something productive. I felt that if i could start on something productive, I could transfer it across to my college work, which is easier said than done. I just can't focus at all.
Its like all I do right now is college and work, and that's it. Its driving me fecking mental.
First deadline for ALL my college work next week, and guess who is probably going to miss said deadline?
That's right. MEEEEE! (what a good guess)
The worrying thing is that I am not as stressed as I probably should be. Which is odd. I am usually at panic stations, but all I want to do is do other things. Such as drawing my character (whose name has changed from Kaiko to Kako).
Talking about Kako, I have went crazy drawing her. Its like I have been drawing her loads, and its the only thing I seem to have any productivity for. Its odd cause as a kid, I used to have all these dreams about 'foxy-people' and its like it is now I've finally found a way to put these thoughts into something productive. I felt that if i could start on something productive, I could transfer it across to my college work, which is easier said than done. I just can't focus at all.
Its like all I do right now is college and work, and that's it. Its driving me fecking mental.
Wednesday, 25 November 2009
so....ummm
Yeah, I skipped College today. There was 2 reasons for it.
1) I am skint and my bus pass ran out yesterday, so physically can't afford college, unless I chance it with an out of date bus pass. Which I don't want to do, cause they may just take the pass off me, including my college card. Which they have done before.
2) I was very, very upset yesterday. Im hoping I am just 'dipping' because my meds have been changed, but I dont think thats it. I was so close to phoning the Samartians because I just wanted to throw myself of something and end it all. Pretty severe, when you think that the medication is supposed to stop me feeling like that. But after I blogged, I went to the toilets and had a cry.
*sigh*
Anyways. I lay in bed this morning reading Death Note, and feeling sorry for myself. When I am like that, I am better just lying, locked away from everyone, cause I'll just say something stupid.
I still haven't done any work, although I sat and drew at my work last night. I say I draw, it wasn't anything spectacular, but it was all I could do from walking out of my work last night, and never going back. Whats bugging me, is that how am I supposed to make sure I am doing everything for a customer, when the call center manager is on my back telling me to hurry up and get on the next call. If I need to email another department, I can't. And that is not helping me at all, when I am feeling this stressed.
Just focusing on Saturday, where I'll be up in Aberdeen with two of my oldest friends, Sharon and Gemma. Its Gemma's birthday night out. I'm just looking to clear my head, so am really looking forward to it. Its kind of like the light at the end of the tunnel. Reminds me, I need to get Gemma and Sharon bday things on Friday, when I get paid.
1) I am skint and my bus pass ran out yesterday, so physically can't afford college, unless I chance it with an out of date bus pass. Which I don't want to do, cause they may just take the pass off me, including my college card. Which they have done before.
2) I was very, very upset yesterday. Im hoping I am just 'dipping' because my meds have been changed, but I dont think thats it. I was so close to phoning the Samartians because I just wanted to throw myself of something and end it all. Pretty severe, when you think that the medication is supposed to stop me feeling like that. But after I blogged, I went to the toilets and had a cry.
*sigh*
Anyways. I lay in bed this morning reading Death Note, and feeling sorry for myself. When I am like that, I am better just lying, locked away from everyone, cause I'll just say something stupid.
I still haven't done any work, although I sat and drew at my work last night. I say I draw, it wasn't anything spectacular, but it was all I could do from walking out of my work last night, and never going back. Whats bugging me, is that how am I supposed to make sure I am doing everything for a customer, when the call center manager is on my back telling me to hurry up and get on the next call. If I need to email another department, I can't. And that is not helping me at all, when I am feeling this stressed.
Just focusing on Saturday, where I'll be up in Aberdeen with two of my oldest friends, Sharon and Gemma. Its Gemma's birthday night out. I'm just looking to clear my head, so am really looking forward to it. Its kind of like the light at the end of the tunnel. Reminds me, I need to get Gemma and Sharon bday things on Friday, when I get paid.
So...umm
Yeah, I skipped College today. There was 2 reasons for it.
1) I am skint and my bus pass ran out yesterday, so physically can't afford college, unless I chance it with an out of date bus pass. Which I don't want to do, cause they may just take the pass off me, including my college card. Which they have done before.
2) I was very, very upset yesterday. Im hoping I am just 'dipping' because my meds have been changed, but I dont think thats it. I was so close to phoning the Samartians because I just wanted to throw myself of something and end it all. Pretty severe, when you think that the medication is supposed to stop me feeling like that. But after I blogged, I went to the toilets and had a cry.
*sigh*
Anyways. I lay in bed this morning reading Death Note, and feeling sorry for myself. When I am like that, I am better just lying, locked away from everyone, cause I'll just say something stupid.
I still haven't done any work, although I sat and drew at my work last night. I say I draw, it wasn't anything spectacular, but it was all I could do from walking out of my work last night, and never going back. Whats bugging me, is that how am I supposed to make sure I am doing everything for a customer, when the call center manager is on my back telling me to hurry up and get on the next call. If I need to email another department, I can't. And that is not helping me at all, when I am feeling this stressed.
Just focusing on Saturday, where I'll be up in Aberdeen with two of my oldest friends, Sharon and Gemma. Its Gemma's birthday night out. I'm just looking to clear my head, so am really looking forward to it. Its kind of like the light at the end of the tunnel. Reminds me, I need to get Gemma and Sharon bday things on Friday, when I get paid.
1) I am skint and my bus pass ran out yesterday, so physically can't afford college, unless I chance it with an out of date bus pass. Which I don't want to do, cause they may just take the pass off me, including my college card. Which they have done before.
2) I was very, very upset yesterday. Im hoping I am just 'dipping' because my meds have been changed, but I dont think thats it. I was so close to phoning the Samartians because I just wanted to throw myself of something and end it all. Pretty severe, when you think that the medication is supposed to stop me feeling like that. But after I blogged, I went to the toilets and had a cry.
*sigh*
Anyways. I lay in bed this morning reading Death Note, and feeling sorry for myself. When I am like that, I am better just lying, locked away from everyone, cause I'll just say something stupid.
I still haven't done any work, although I sat and drew at my work last night. I say I draw, it wasn't anything spectacular, but it was all I could do from walking out of my work last night, and never going back. Whats bugging me, is that how am I supposed to make sure I am doing everything for a customer, when the call center manager is on my back telling me to hurry up and get on the next call. If I need to email another department, I can't. And that is not helping me at all, when I am feeling this stressed.
Just focusing on Saturday, where I'll be up in Aberdeen with two of my oldest friends, Sharon and Gemma. Its Gemma's birthday night out. I'm just looking to clear my head, so am really looking forward to it. Its kind of like the light at the end of the tunnel. Reminds me, I need to get Gemma and Sharon bday things on Friday, when I get paid.
Monday, 23 November 2009
Shinigami Like Apples
Actually quite happy for a Monday.
Although I have spent all weekend watching and reading Death Note. I seriously am dreading the Hollywood remake of it. They are supposedly moving the story from Japan to LA. The fact that the story is set in Japan, and that that is a major factor throughout the plot. Stupid Hollywood, why can't you leave things alone. Its bad enough I can no longer think of anyone but Zac Efron playing Light, but then they say, he might not do that. Eugh.
Also, why am I the only person who thinks that Misa and Matsuda would have made a good couple, rather than Misa and Light. Both Misa and Matsuda are immature and childish in how they act. I think they'd have this understanding that Light doesn't have with Misa.
Anyways, if you are wondering why there is an absence of college mentioning in this blog, then that is because I have done sweet FA all day and all weekend. Talk about fail. I sat on Cafe World again *rolls eyes*. Well that and was reading stuff on Death Note and Saiyuki. Kinda obsessed with them both.
Get more Death Note on Friday. YAAAAASSSS!!!
I also get paid on Friday. YAAAAASSSS!!!!
And Aberdeen on Saturday. YAAAASSSSS!!!!
*Thats a lot of yass-ing*
*Also incidentally, there is someone called Misa Matsuda lol*
Although I have spent all weekend watching and reading Death Note. I seriously am dreading the Hollywood remake of it. They are supposedly moving the story from Japan to LA. The fact that the story is set in Japan, and that that is a major factor throughout the plot. Stupid Hollywood, why can't you leave things alone. Its bad enough I can no longer think of anyone but Zac Efron playing Light, but then they say, he might not do that. Eugh.
Also, why am I the only person who thinks that Misa and Matsuda would have made a good couple, rather than Misa and Light. Both Misa and Matsuda are immature and childish in how they act. I think they'd have this understanding that Light doesn't have with Misa.
Anyways, if you are wondering why there is an absence of college mentioning in this blog, then that is because I have done sweet FA all day and all weekend. Talk about fail. I sat on Cafe World again *rolls eyes*. Well that and was reading stuff on Death Note and Saiyuki. Kinda obsessed with them both.
Get more Death Note on Friday. YAAAAASSSS!!!
I also get paid on Friday. YAAAAASSSS!!!!
And Aberdeen on Saturday. YAAAASSSSS!!!!
*Thats a lot of yass-ing*
*Also incidentally, there is someone called Misa Matsuda lol*
Shinigami Like Apples
Actually quite happy for a Monday.
Although I have spent all weekend watching and reading Death Note. I seriously am dreading the Hollywood remake of it. They are supposedly moving the story from Japan to LA. The fact that the story is set in Japan, and that that is a major factor throughout the plot. Stupid Hollywood, why can't you leave things alone. Its bad enough I can no longer think of anyone but Zac Efron playing Light, but then they say, he might not do that. Eugh.
Also, why am I the only person who thinks that Misa and Matsuda would have made a good couple, rather than Misa and Light. Both Misa and Matsuda are immature and childish in how they act. I think they'd have this understanding that Light doesn't have with Misa.
Anyways, if you are wondering why there is an absence of college mentioning in this blog, then that is because I have done sweet FA all day and all weekend. Talk about fail. I sat on Cafe World again *rolls eyes*. Well that and was reading stuff on Death Note and Saiyuki. Kinda obsessed with them both.
Get more Death Note on Friday. YAAAAASSSS!!!
I also get paid on Friday. YAAAAASSSS!!!!
And Aberdeen on Saturday. YAAAASSSSS!!!!
*Thats a lot of yass-ing*
*Also incidentally, there is someone called Misa Matsuda lol*
Although I have spent all weekend watching and reading Death Note. I seriously am dreading the Hollywood remake of it. They are supposedly moving the story from Japan to LA. The fact that the story is set in Japan, and that that is a major factor throughout the plot. Stupid Hollywood, why can't you leave things alone. Its bad enough I can no longer think of anyone but Zac Efron playing Light, but then they say, he might not do that. Eugh.
Also, why am I the only person who thinks that Misa and Matsuda would have made a good couple, rather than Misa and Light. Both Misa and Matsuda are immature and childish in how they act. I think they'd have this understanding that Light doesn't have with Misa.
Anyways, if you are wondering why there is an absence of college mentioning in this blog, then that is because I have done sweet FA all day and all weekend. Talk about fail. I sat on Cafe World again *rolls eyes*. Well that and was reading stuff on Death Note and Saiyuki. Kinda obsessed with them both.
Get more Death Note on Friday. YAAAAASSSS!!!
I also get paid on Friday. YAAAAASSSS!!!!
And Aberdeen on Saturday. YAAAASSSSS!!!!
*Thats a lot of yass-ing*
*Also incidentally, there is someone called Misa Matsuda lol*
Wednesday, 18 November 2009
*yawn*
Was pretty productive again today at college. When I say productive, it means I was working on my project all the time I was in college. I stayed away from the computers, so I wasn't distracted by facebook, or twitter. I mean I waste all my free time, on stupid things such as them. Its always FarmVille and Bejewelled that I spend ages on. Don't get me wrong, I love playing stupid games, but its horrible when I know I have more important things I should be doing. I am spending ages on my thumbnails, which is me being behind. I was supposed to be on developement, so I'm a stage behind. But I am putting a hell of a lot of work on it now, which is something I wasn't doing before.
In the money front, I was budgeting my £14 for the rest of the week (till I get paid next friday) and my dad said 'I can give you £20 if you want'. And I thought 'woo hoo' more money to spend -.- That is not the way this is supposed to go. Let me budget, and I can make money last, but give me more, and I'll just spend it all on nothing, probably. *rolls eyes* I mean I have already had a loaner of Paul, a mate a college, and I really don't want to be owing more people money. Its not like I don't pay it back, its just I hate having to resort to borrowing. I am in such a mess this month. I am writing out an action plan for when my wages come back, and who I owe money to.
I usually get paid £700ish, so I pay £80 for digs
£39.for phone
£50 for nationwide
£50 for Mint
£20 to Paul
£20 to dad, if i take it.
So thats about £260. Which is ok, if I can do that.
Big If.
In the money front, I was budgeting my £14 for the rest of the week (till I get paid next friday) and my dad said 'I can give you £20 if you want'. And I thought 'woo hoo' more money to spend -.- That is not the way this is supposed to go. Let me budget, and I can make money last, but give me more, and I'll just spend it all on nothing, probably. *rolls eyes* I mean I have already had a loaner of Paul, a mate a college, and I really don't want to be owing more people money. Its not like I don't pay it back, its just I hate having to resort to borrowing. I am in such a mess this month. I am writing out an action plan for when my wages come back, and who I owe money to.
I usually get paid £700ish, so I pay £80 for digs
£39.for phone
£50 for nationwide
£50 for Mint
£20 to Paul
£20 to dad, if i take it.
So thats about £260. Which is ok, if I can do that.
Big If.
*yawn*
Was pretty productive again today at college. When I say productive, it means I was working on my project all the time I was in college. I stayed away from the computers, so I wasn't distracted by facebook, or twitter. I mean I waste all my free time, on stupid things such as them. Its always FarmVille and Bejewelled that I spend ages on. Don't get me wrong, I love playing stupid games, but its horrible when I know I have more important things I should be doing. I am spending ages on my thumbnails, which is me being behind. I was supposed to be on developement, so I'm a stage behind. But I am putting a hell of a lot of work on it now, which is something I wasn't doing before.
In the money front, I was budgeting my £14 for the rest of the week (till I get paid next friday) and my dad said 'I can give you £20 if you want'. And I thought 'woo hoo' more money to spend -.- That is not the way this is supposed to go. Let me budget, and I can make money last, but give me more, and I'll just spend it all on nothing, probably. *rolls eyes* I mean I have already had a loaner of Paul, a mate a college, and I really don't want to be owing more people money. Its not like I don't pay it back, its just I hate having to resort to borrowing. I am in such a mess this month. I am writing out an action plan for when my wages come back, and who I owe money to.
I usually get paid £700ish, so I pay £80 for digs
£39.for phone
£50 for nationwide
£50 for Mint
£20 to Paul
£20 to dad, if i take it.
So thats about £260. Which is ok, if I can do that.
Big If.
In the money front, I was budgeting my £14 for the rest of the week (till I get paid next friday) and my dad said 'I can give you £20 if you want'. And I thought 'woo hoo' more money to spend -.- That is not the way this is supposed to go. Let me budget, and I can make money last, but give me more, and I'll just spend it all on nothing, probably. *rolls eyes* I mean I have already had a loaner of Paul, a mate a college, and I really don't want to be owing more people money. Its not like I don't pay it back, its just I hate having to resort to borrowing. I am in such a mess this month. I am writing out an action plan for when my wages come back, and who I owe money to.
I usually get paid £700ish, so I pay £80 for digs
£39.for phone
£50 for nationwide
£50 for Mint
£20 to Paul
£20 to dad, if i take it.
So thats about £260. Which is ok, if I can do that.
Big If.
Tuesday, 17 November 2009
Productive
So, today was rather productive at college. Ok, I did sleep in again, but thats because it takes me till at least 4am to get to sleep. So when I do get to an unconcious state, I end up sleeping through my alarm, which is no good.
Anywho, handed in outcome 2 for vis com and worked on my Graphic Design sketch book. I feel happy with myself about that. Although I have been doing some work for my graphic design class, I am still way behind from where I need to be. Which is just bloody frustrating.Gonna try and do some more work for it tonight whilst at work, like between calls or something.
Looks like its going to be another Freesat night, where customers call, and I can do very little. -.- Its very annoying, because I only have access to one system, and thats the one that runs the paid sky accounts on it. So freesat customers call and expect me to access their info, and I cant. Its annoying, and I can tell some of the customers are not happy about it. But its not my fault, I'm getting calls, I dont have the facility to deal with. I can order them new viewing cards, but thats it. Grrr
Also discovered my bus pass runs out next Tuesday, so I wont be able to get to college, and im gonna struggle with work too. *bangs head off wall* I never have enough money -.- So thats what I need, just as we are approaching project hand-ins, days off.
Anywho, handed in outcome 2 for vis com and worked on my Graphic Design sketch book. I feel happy with myself about that. Although I have been doing some work for my graphic design class, I am still way behind from where I need to be. Which is just bloody frustrating.Gonna try and do some more work for it tonight whilst at work, like between calls or something.
Looks like its going to be another Freesat night, where customers call, and I can do very little. -.- Its very annoying, because I only have access to one system, and thats the one that runs the paid sky accounts on it. So freesat customers call and expect me to access their info, and I cant. Its annoying, and I can tell some of the customers are not happy about it. But its not my fault, I'm getting calls, I dont have the facility to deal with. I can order them new viewing cards, but thats it. Grrr
Also discovered my bus pass runs out next Tuesday, so I wont be able to get to college, and im gonna struggle with work too. *bangs head off wall* I never have enough money -.- So thats what I need, just as we are approaching project hand-ins, days off.
Productive
So, today was rather productive at college. Ok, I did sleep in again, but thats because it takes me till at least 4am to get to sleep. So when I do get to an unconcious state, I end up sleeping through my alarm, which is no good.
Anywho, handed in outcome 2 for vis com and worked on my Graphic Design sketch book. I feel happy with myself about that. Although I have been doing some work for my graphic design class, I am still way behind from where I need to be. Which is just bloody frustrating. Anywho, gonna try and do some more work for it tonight whilst at work, like between calls or something.
Looks like its going to be another Freesat night, where customers call, and I can do very little. -.- Its very annoying, because I only have access to one system, and thats the one that runs the paid sky accounts on it. So freesat customers call and expect me to access their info, and I cant. Its annoying, and I can tell some of the customers are not happy about it. But its not my fault, I'm getting calls, I dont have the facility to deal with. I can order them new viewing cards, but thats it. Grrr
Also discovered my bus pass runs out next Tuesday, so I wont be able to get to college, and im gonna struggle with work too. *bangs head off wall* I never have enough money -.- So thats what I need, just as we are approaching project hand-ins, days off.
Anywho, handed in outcome 2 for vis com and worked on my Graphic Design sketch book. I feel happy with myself about that. Although I have been doing some work for my graphic design class, I am still way behind from where I need to be. Which is just bloody frustrating. Anywho, gonna try and do some more work for it tonight whilst at work, like between calls or something.
Looks like its going to be another Freesat night, where customers call, and I can do very little. -.- Its very annoying, because I only have access to one system, and thats the one that runs the paid sky accounts on it. So freesat customers call and expect me to access their info, and I cant. Its annoying, and I can tell some of the customers are not happy about it. But its not my fault, I'm getting calls, I dont have the facility to deal with. I can order them new viewing cards, but thats it. Grrr
Also discovered my bus pass runs out next Tuesday, so I wont be able to get to college, and im gonna struggle with work too. *bangs head off wall* I never have enough money -.- So thats what I need, just as we are approaching project hand-ins, days off.
Monday, 16 November 2009
Music Monday
Well, what can I say?
Its still Monday, and I'm still not caught up on college stuff. *sigh*
I am trying, but I always find more interesting things to do. Mostly reading or drawing something with that's got bog all to do with college work. I think I have a mental problem, where I see things I should do, and ignore it and waste my time on something else. Ok, Im not wasting my time. I am drawing, which makes me happy, so its not a waste.
Been listening to SS-Kaliert today, and I love them. They are a German Punk band, and I have been obsessed with them for a while. I want their hoodie, well ist not theirs, but its a SS-Kaliert hoodie. I <3 A.G.or (wait for it) Benni. Ha bet noone saw that one coming. I have a thing for the name Benjamin obviously. Actually I love them all. lol. Its strange because I can't speak a word of German, and thats what they sing in. I like that, because I can't help feeling that if a band sings in English, there is something fake about it. Probably because usually the songs are written in their mother tongue, then translated into English. So SS-Kaliert dont have that problem. SS-Kaliert is taken from 'Es Eskaliert' which is German for 'It Escalates'.
Also liking an Italian ska band called Redska. Again this band sing in Italian, so I have no idea what they're saying, but they are so energetic, it doesn't matter. So they are on my ipod right now.
Its still Monday, and I'm still not caught up on college stuff. *sigh*
I am trying, but I always find more interesting things to do. Mostly reading or drawing something with that's got bog all to do with college work. I think I have a mental problem, where I see things I should do, and ignore it and waste my time on something else. Ok, Im not wasting my time. I am drawing, which makes me happy, so its not a waste.
Been listening to SS-Kaliert today, and I love them. They are a German Punk band, and I have been obsessed with them for a while. I want their hoodie, well ist not theirs, but its a SS-Kaliert hoodie. I <3 A.G.or (wait for it) Benni. Ha bet noone saw that one coming. I have a thing for the name Benjamin obviously. Actually I love them all. lol. Its strange because I can't speak a word of German, and thats what they sing in. I like that, because I can't help feeling that if a band sings in English, there is something fake about it. Probably because usually the songs are written in their mother tongue, then translated into English. So SS-Kaliert dont have that problem. SS-Kaliert is taken from 'Es Eskaliert' which is German for 'It Escalates'.
Also liking an Italian ska band called Redska. Again this band sing in Italian, so I have no idea what they're saying, but they are so energetic, it doesn't matter. So they are on my ipod right now.
Music Monday
Well, what can I say? Its still Monday, and I'm still not caught up on college stuff. *sigh* I am trying, but I always find more interesting things to do. Mostly reading or drawing something with that's got bog all to do with college work.
I think I have a mental problem, where I see things I should do, and ignore it and waste my time on something else. Ok, Im not wasting my time. I am drawing, which makes me happy, so its not a waste.
Been listening to SS-Kaliert today, and I love them. They are a German Punk band, and I have been obsessed with them for a while. I want their hoodie, well ist not theirs, but its a SS-Kaliert hoodie. I <3 A.G.or (wait for it) Benni. Ha bet noone saw that one coming. I have a thing for the name Benjamin obviously. Actually I love them all. lol. Its strange because I can't speak a word of German, and thats what they sing in. I like that, because I can't help feeling that if a band sings in English, there is something fake about it. Probably because usually the songs are written in their mother tongue, then translated into English. So SS-Kaliert dont have that problem. SS-Kaliert is taken from 'Es Eskaliert' which is German for 'It Escalates'.
Also liking an Italian ska band called Redska. Again this band sing in Italian, so I have no idea what they're saying, but they are so energetic, it doesn't matter. So they are on my ipod right now.
I think I have a mental problem, where I see things I should do, and ignore it and waste my time on something else. Ok, Im not wasting my time. I am drawing, which makes me happy, so its not a waste.
Been listening to SS-Kaliert today, and I love them. They are a German Punk band, and I have been obsessed with them for a while. I want their hoodie, well ist not theirs, but its a SS-Kaliert hoodie. I <3 A.G.or (wait for it) Benni. Ha bet noone saw that one coming. I have a thing for the name Benjamin obviously. Actually I love them all. lol. Its strange because I can't speak a word of German, and thats what they sing in. I like that, because I can't help feeling that if a band sings in English, there is something fake about it. Probably because usually the songs are written in their mother tongue, then translated into English. So SS-Kaliert dont have that problem. SS-Kaliert is taken from 'Es Eskaliert' which is German for 'It Escalates'.
Also liking an Italian ska band called Redska. Again this band sing in Italian, so I have no idea what they're saying, but they are so energetic, it doesn't matter. So they are on my ipod right now.
Sunday, 15 November 2009
Weekend again
Had Sarah's party last night, and it was pretty fun. :)
Got a wee bit hammered and had no sleep, but still fun. I was histerically laughing at a Christmas Pudding in Sarah's kitchen, and I can not for the life of me understand why it was so funny. But me and Paul were chatting in the kitchen, and I couldn't stop laughing. lol. I'm a wierdo.
I think I may have got an hours sleep, when I think about it. Was lying on the couch whilst Dale and Reilly watched tv. Also been chatting to Rachel, a girl I went to Vet Nursing with in Glasgow. We were quite close, and she randomly added me today. So she's maybe coming down to Dunfermline so might get to see her. Which will be so nice. I like meeting old friends as well as new ones. :)
Got a wee bit hammered and had no sleep, but still fun. I was histerically laughing at a Christmas Pudding in Sarah's kitchen, and I can not for the life of me understand why it was so funny. But me and Paul were chatting in the kitchen, and I couldn't stop laughing. lol. I'm a wierdo.
I think I may have got an hours sleep, when I think about it. Was lying on the couch whilst Dale and Reilly watched tv. Also been chatting to Rachel, a girl I went to Vet Nursing with in Glasgow. We were quite close, and she randomly added me today. So she's maybe coming down to Dunfermline so might get to see her. Which will be so nice. I like meeting old friends as well as new ones. :)
That weekend feeling again
Had Sarah's party last night, and it was pretty fun. :)
Got a wee bit hammered and had no sleep, but still fun. I was histerically laughing at a Christmas Pudding in Sarah's kitchen, and I can not for the life of me understand why it was so funny. But me and Paul were chatting in the kitchen, and I couldn't stop laughing. lol. I'm a wierdo.
I think I may have got an hours sleep, when I think about it. Was lying on the couch whilst Dale and Reilly watched tv. Also been chatting to Rachel, a girl I went to Vet Nursing with in Glasgow. We were quite close, and she randomly added me today. So she's maybe coming down to Dunfermline so might get to see her. Which will be so nice. I like meeting old friends as well as new ones. :)
Got a wee bit hammered and had no sleep, but still fun. I was histerically laughing at a Christmas Pudding in Sarah's kitchen, and I can not for the life of me understand why it was so funny. But me and Paul were chatting in the kitchen, and I couldn't stop laughing. lol. I'm a wierdo.
I think I may have got an hours sleep, when I think about it. Was lying on the couch whilst Dale and Reilly watched tv. Also been chatting to Rachel, a girl I went to Vet Nursing with in Glasgow. We were quite close, and she randomly added me today. So she's maybe coming down to Dunfermline so might get to see her. Which will be so nice. I like meeting old friends as well as new ones. :)
Friday, 13 November 2009
Firday the 13th
Isn't Friday the 13th supposed to be unlucky? I'm asking because today has been an alright day. I woke up to having £2 in my pocket, so I raked my room and found another 8 pound coins and a heepload of change. So I took the change and went to Asdas and put it in the change counter machine, where it counts all the money you have, and gives you a voucher you can spend on store for the value of the change ypu give it. Well I got over £19. So I went into Asdas and got beer for Sarah's party tomorrow, and left in Dales car, as he is picking us up tomorrow to go to Hill of Beith.
Gonna be well good, actually quite excited about that. No had a drink since Halloween, and even that wasn't very much.
Also Death Note is on Film4 tonight. :D So happy at that, I am going to order the DVDs, but it'd be nice to see them first. The films are based on a manga series, which I love. <3 Its about a guy who finds a notebook, called a 'Death Note'. It has been dropped by a shingami (grim reaper) called Ryuk. Once a name is written in this death note, if the writer has their face in mind, then they will die. It is really quite good, and I am reading my way through the manga as well.
So unless work is diabolical, its been a rather nice Friday the 13th
Gonna be well good, actually quite excited about that. No had a drink since Halloween, and even that wasn't very much.
Also Death Note is on Film4 tonight. :D So happy at that, I am going to order the DVDs, but it'd be nice to see them first. The films are based on a manga series, which I love. <3 Its about a guy who finds a notebook, called a 'Death Note'. It has been dropped by a shingami (grim reaper) called Ryuk. Once a name is written in this death note, if the writer has their face in mind, then they will die. It is really quite good, and I am reading my way through the manga as well.
So unless work is diabolical, its been a rather nice Friday the 13th
Friday the 13th
Isn't Friday the 13th supposed to be unlucky? I'm asking because today has been an alright day. I woke up to having £2 in my pocket, so I raked my room and found another 8 pound coins and a heepload of change. So I took the change and went to Asdas and put it in the change counter machine, where it counts all the money you have, and gives you a voucher you can spend on store for the value of the change ypu give it. Well I got over £19. So I went into Asdas and got beer for Sarah's party tomorrow, and left in Dales car, as he is picking us up tomorrow to go to Hill of Beith.
Gonna be well good, actually quite excited about that. No had a drink since Halloween, and even that wasn't very much.
Also Death Note is on Film4 tonight. :D So happy at that, I am going to order the DVDs, but it'd be nice to see them first. The films are based on a manga series, which I love. <3 Its about a guy who finds a notebook, called a 'Death Note'. It has been dropped by a shingami (grim reaper) called Ryuk. Once a name is written in this death note, if the writer has their face in mind, then they will die. It is really quite good, and I am reading my way through the manga as well.
So unless work is diabolical, its been a rather nice Friday the 13th
Location:Work
Gonna be well good, actually quite excited about that. No had a drink since Halloween, and even that wasn't very much.
Also Death Note is on Film4 tonight. :D So happy at that, I am going to order the DVDs, but it'd be nice to see them first. The films are based on a manga series, which I love. <3 Its about a guy who finds a notebook, called a 'Death Note'. It has been dropped by a shingami (grim reaper) called Ryuk. Once a name is written in this death note, if the writer has their face in mind, then they will die. It is really quite good, and I am reading my way through the manga as well.
So unless work is diabolical, its been a rather nice Friday the 13th
Location:Work
Thursday, 12 November 2009
Total Crabbit
Everything about me today, just screams out 'leave me alone'. I mean my mohawk, Dr Martins and chains just scream out niceness. I'm just in a really bad mood. I couldn't sleep last night, and think I eventually got some sleep around 5am. I need to get up at 7, but because I hadn't had much sleep, I slept straight through my alarm, and woke up at 9.10. I started at 9. So I got up, got ready and went for the bus. Found out that some bill I forgot about came out my bank and I am left with £15 till the end of the month. So no happy.
I just wanna lie in my bed and never wake up. I hate this bit, because my medication was changed yesterday, so I am kinda at the point were my old meds are stopping working, and my new ones haven't kicked in, yet. It irks me rather badly. So I am sitting at the computers in college listening to music and just being in a wee world of my own. Thank god for my ipod, its really good at giving me noise to filter out the voices in my head.
I'm kinda wanting to do work for my graphic design project, but I left it all at home, just fantastic isn't it? So I am dreading what is round the corner for me, as I have a feeling this will only get worse. *sigh* But thats just ne and my immense positivity at the moment. The thing is, I am just so not in the mood for any shit. I don't need much of an excuse. It doesn't help that the three most distracted people in the class came around me and started fannying about, so I gave up and went onto facebook, and started FishVille a game where you buy, sell and raise fish. :/ Yeah when I need distracted, obviously anything will do.
I just wanna lie in my bed and never wake up. I hate this bit, because my medication was changed yesterday, so I am kinda at the point were my old meds are stopping working, and my new ones haven't kicked in, yet. It irks me rather badly. So I am sitting at the computers in college listening to music and just being in a wee world of my own. Thank god for my ipod, its really good at giving me noise to filter out the voices in my head.
I'm kinda wanting to do work for my graphic design project, but I left it all at home, just fantastic isn't it? So I am dreading what is round the corner for me, as I have a feeling this will only get worse. *sigh* But thats just ne and my immense positivity at the moment. The thing is, I am just so not in the mood for any shit. I don't need much of an excuse. It doesn't help that the three most distracted people in the class came around me and started fannying about, so I gave up and went onto facebook, and started FishVille a game where you buy, sell and raise fish. :/ Yeah when I need distracted, obviously anything will do.
Total Crabbit
Everything about me today, just screams out 'leave me alone'. I mean my mohawk, Dr Martins and chains just scream out niceness. I'm just in a really bad mood. I couldn't sleep last night, and think I eventually got some sleep around 5am. I need to get up at 7, but because I hadn't had much sleep, I slept straight through my alarm, and woke up at 9.10. I started at 9. So I got up, got ready and went for the bus. Found out that some bill I forgot about came out my bank and I am left with £15 till the end of the month. So no happy.
I just wanna lie in my bed and never wake up. I hate this bit, because my medication was changed yesterday, so I am kinda at the point were my old meds are stopping working, and my new ones haven't kicked in, yet. It irks me rather badly. So I am sitting at the computers in college listening to music and just being in a wee world of my own. Thank god for my ipod, its really good at giving me noise to filter out the voices in my head.
I'm kinda wanting to do work for my graphic design project, but I left it all at home, just fantastic isn't it? So I am dreading what is round the corner for me, as I have a feeling this will only get worse. *sigh* But thats just ne and my immense positivity at the moment. The thing is, I am just so not in the mood for any shit. I don't need much of an excuse. It doesn't help that the three most distracted people in the class came around me and started fannying about, so I gave up and went onto facebook, and started FishVille a game where you buy, sell and raise fish. :/ Yeah when I need distracted, obviously anything will do.
I just wanna lie in my bed and never wake up. I hate this bit, because my medication was changed yesterday, so I am kinda at the point were my old meds are stopping working, and my new ones haven't kicked in, yet. It irks me rather badly. So I am sitting at the computers in college listening to music and just being in a wee world of my own. Thank god for my ipod, its really good at giving me noise to filter out the voices in my head.
I'm kinda wanting to do work for my graphic design project, but I left it all at home, just fantastic isn't it? So I am dreading what is round the corner for me, as I have a feeling this will only get worse. *sigh* But thats just ne and my immense positivity at the moment. The thing is, I am just so not in the mood for any shit. I don't need much of an excuse. It doesn't help that the three most distracted people in the class came around me and started fannying about, so I gave up and went onto facebook, and started FishVille a game where you buy, sell and raise fish. :/ Yeah when I need distracted, obviously anything will do.
Wednesday, 11 November 2009
Eventful day
had my doctors appointment today, and I have been told I have borderline-schizophrenia. Fun. *rolls eyes* I kinda had been expecting that, I mean after what I had been advised before. Its just a bit like, 'oh, now what'. It feels like, all they've done is given the way I'm feeling a name. It could have been called anything, and it really wouldn't change the way I feel. It just means its another entry in my medical history and another medication, to see if it works better than the last one. Thats what has to be done, the doctor said, a bit of trial and error. When I said I was depressed, people say 'everyone has days like that', when I mention about the schizophrenia, people don't say anything, they change the subject. And that hurts so much. I want to talk to my friends, but they do say 'well I have worse problems'. And you know what, thats not my fault. Do they think I am doing this to get attention? I'd do anything to stop thinking like this. To stop feeling that every person who says something nice to me is lying, or is wanting something from me. So my overthinking means that I can't trust anyone.
*sigh*
Because I was, obviously, in a mood, I switched on my ipod and managed to actually get work done for my project, which is to be handed in tomorrow. And that has made me feel better, just cause it looks a lot better. Still got loads to do though, think I'll be up all night tonight trying to get it done. Saying that, I may scan in work I was going to do last night, before the power cut off. Yeah the power failed last night, which ended up in me playing around on photoshop. Till my laptop battery died.
Oh, doctor wants me to quit work. I can't. Im the only earner at my house at the moment, and I cant go on the sick, cause I will lose my job. Yeah, don't be sick, or sky will fire me. Fucking pish, the lot of it.
*sigh*
Because I was, obviously, in a mood, I switched on my ipod and managed to actually get work done for my project, which is to be handed in tomorrow. And that has made me feel better, just cause it looks a lot better. Still got loads to do though, think I'll be up all night tonight trying to get it done. Saying that, I may scan in work I was going to do last night, before the power cut off. Yeah the power failed last night, which ended up in me playing around on photoshop. Till my laptop battery died.
Oh, doctor wants me to quit work. I can't. Im the only earner at my house at the moment, and I cant go on the sick, cause I will lose my job. Yeah, don't be sick, or sky will fire me. Fucking pish, the lot of it.
Eventful day
I had my doctors appointment today, and I have been told I have borderline-schizophrenia. Fun. *rolls eyes* I kinda had been expecting that, I mean after what I had been advised before. Its just a bit like, 'oh, now what'. It feels like, all they've done is given the way I'm feeling a name. It could have been called anything, and it really wouldn't change the way I feel. It just means its another entry in my medical history and another medication, to see if it works better than the last one. Thats what has to be done, the doctor said, a bit of trial and error. When I said I was depressed, people say 'everyone has days like that', when I mention about the schizophrenia, people don't say anything, they change the subject. And that hurts so much. I want to talk to my friends, but they do say 'well I have worse problems'. And you know what, thats not my fault. Do they think I am doing this to get attention? I'd do anything to stop thinking like this. To stop feeling that every person who says something nice to me is lying, or is wanting something from me. So my overthinking means that I can't trust anyone.
*sigh*
Because I was, obviously, in a mood, I switched on my ipod and managed to actually get work done for my project, which is to be handed in tomorrow. And that has made me feel better, just cause it looks a lot better. Still got loads to do though, think I'll be up all night tonight trying to get it done. Saying that, I may scan in work I was going to do last night, before the power cut off. Yeah the power failed last night, which ended up in me playing around on photoshop. Till my laptop battery died.
Oh, doctor wants me to quit work. I can't. Im the only earner at my house at the moment, and I cant go on the sick, cause I will lose my job. Yeah, don't be sick, or sky will fire me. Fucking pish, the lot of it.
*sigh*
Because I was, obviously, in a mood, I switched on my ipod and managed to actually get work done for my project, which is to be handed in tomorrow. And that has made me feel better, just cause it looks a lot better. Still got loads to do though, think I'll be up all night tonight trying to get it done. Saying that, I may scan in work I was going to do last night, before the power cut off. Yeah the power failed last night, which ended up in me playing around on photoshop. Till my laptop battery died.
Oh, doctor wants me to quit work. I can't. Im the only earner at my house at the moment, and I cant go on the sick, cause I will lose my job. Yeah, don't be sick, or sky will fire me. Fucking pish, the lot of it.
Tuesday, 10 November 2009
Tuesday Tuna?
Ok I couldn't think of anything to go with Tuesday. lol
I stayed behind cause I decided that I would do some college work. Well, guess what, I'm obviously not. The most productive I have got is demoloshing this packet of Hula Hoops I am demolishing. -.- Oh well. Decided because I am working later, and the copy and paste fucntion at work is rather sucky, I am gonna do my blogging here, at college. What? At least its better than wasting more of my time on blasted Bejewelled.
I am becoming known as the most frequent blogger in college, mostly because I am the only one who does it. *eye roll* I think I do it way too much, personally, but I can't help it when I like to write shit. I already talk enough useless garbage, so I don't think the peeps in my life would appreciate it if I times that by ten. I love college, and I don't mind work either, but I have a lot of gumpf in my head, that wants to escape. So rather than spew it all on the beautiful peoples around me, I blog. *thinks* I am truely sorry for the visual that may have produced.
Also Meme time---
It's November and this month is about giving thanks, tell us a few of the musical things that you are thankful for, be it albums, shows you've seen, electronics you've bought etc. Whatever has made your musical life better in the last year.
Seriously, probably SS Kaliert. I really got into Deustch Punk in the last year, and this was the band that got me into that whole scene. Have been to see them twice, and they are the nicest bunch of guys. Its always a great experience meeting one of your favourite bands, when they are so nice.
I stayed behind cause I decided that I would do some college work. Well, guess what, I'm obviously not. The most productive I have got is demoloshing this packet of Hula Hoops I am demolishing. -.- Oh well. Decided because I am working later, and the copy and paste fucntion at work is rather sucky, I am gonna do my blogging here, at college. What? At least its better than wasting more of my time on blasted Bejewelled.
I am becoming known as the most frequent blogger in college, mostly because I am the only one who does it. *eye roll* I think I do it way too much, personally, but I can't help it when I like to write shit. I already talk enough useless garbage, so I don't think the peeps in my life would appreciate it if I times that by ten. I love college, and I don't mind work either, but I have a lot of gumpf in my head, that wants to escape. So rather than spew it all on the beautiful peoples around me, I blog. *thinks* I am truely sorry for the visual that may have produced.
Also Meme time---
It's November and this month is about giving thanks, tell us a few of the musical things that you are thankful for, be it albums, shows you've seen, electronics you've bought etc. Whatever has made your musical life better in the last year.
Seriously, probably SS Kaliert. I really got into Deustch Punk in the last year, and this was the band that got me into that whole scene. Have been to see them twice, and they are the nicest bunch of guys. Its always a great experience meeting one of your favourite bands, when they are so nice.
Tuesday Tuna
Ok I couldn’t think of anything to go with Tuesday. lol
I stayed behind cause I decided that I would do some college work. Well, guess what, I’m obviously not. The most productive I have got is demoloshing this packet of Hula Hoops I am demolishing. -.- Oh well. Decided because I am working later, and the copy and paste fucntion at work is rather sucky, I am gonna do my blogging here, at college. What? At least its better than wasting more of my time on blasted Bejewelled.
I am becoming known as the most frequent blogger in college, mostly because I am the only one who does it. *eye roll* I think I do it way too much, personally, but I can’t help it when I like to write shit. I already talk enough useless garbage, so I don’t think the peeps in my life would appreciate it if I times that by ten. I love college, and I don’t mind work either, but I have a lot of gumpf in my head, that wants to escape. So rather than spew it all on the beautiful peoples around me, I blog. *thinks* I am truely sorry for the visual that may have produced.
Also Meme time—
It’s November and this month is about giving thanks, tell us a few of the musical things that you are thankful for, be it albums, shows you’ve seen, electronics you’ve bought etc. Whatever has made your musical life better in the last year.
Seriously, probably SS Kaliert. I really got into Deustch Punk in the last year, and this was the band that got me into that whole scene. Have been to see them twice, and they are the nicest bunch of guys. Its always a great experience meeting one of your favourite bands, when they are so nice.
I stayed behind cause I decided that I would do some college work. Well, guess what, I’m obviously not. The most productive I have got is demoloshing this packet of Hula Hoops I am demolishing. -.- Oh well. Decided because I am working later, and the copy and paste fucntion at work is rather sucky, I am gonna do my blogging here, at college. What? At least its better than wasting more of my time on blasted Bejewelled.
I am becoming known as the most frequent blogger in college, mostly because I am the only one who does it. *eye roll* I think I do it way too much, personally, but I can’t help it when I like to write shit. I already talk enough useless garbage, so I don’t think the peeps in my life would appreciate it if I times that by ten. I love college, and I don’t mind work either, but I have a lot of gumpf in my head, that wants to escape. So rather than spew it all on the beautiful peoples around me, I blog. *thinks* I am truely sorry for the visual that may have produced.
Also Meme time—
It’s November and this month is about giving thanks, tell us a few of the musical things that you are thankful for, be it albums, shows you’ve seen, electronics you’ve bought etc. Whatever has made your musical life better in the last year.
Seriously, probably SS Kaliert. I really got into Deustch Punk in the last year, and this was the band that got me into that whole scene. Have been to see them twice, and they are the nicest bunch of guys. Its always a great experience meeting one of your favourite bands, when they are so nice.
Error
Sorry, been focusing on getting my Livejournal up to date. Gonna start X-posting again cause this needs to be updated. I looks awful sad, because I haven't updated in a while.
For that I am sorry. I always forget to blog, as I am lazy, and really cant be bothered logging on to sites, just to have no one read my stuffs. But then, I realised that is not the reason I started an blog. I blog because I find it therapeutic, as odd as that sounds.
I have been blogging a lot of Good Charlotte stuffs at the moment. So from now on everything apart from my fictions will be posted here.
Anywho, laters.
For that I am sorry. I always forget to blog, as I am lazy, and really cant be bothered logging on to sites, just to have no one read my stuffs. But then, I realised that is not the reason I started an blog. I blog because I find it therapeutic, as odd as that sounds.
I have been blogging a lot of Good Charlotte stuffs at the moment. So from now on everything apart from my fictions will be posted here.
Anywho, laters.
Wednesday, 4 November 2009
When I got home yesterday, there was a note left for me, saying that Royal Mail had tried to deliver something, and it wouldn't fit through the letter box, so I had to go an pick it up in person at the sorting office in Dunfermline. I gathered that, because the Mest stuff is coming through DHL, the Royal mail thing would be the other set of Letraset Promarkers I had ordered. So up I went, and gave the guy the wee card, to pick up my package.
Instead of coming back with the jiffy envelope I expected, he came back with a box. I was all, WTF, as I drew a blank at what it was. The psot guy handed me the box, and I almost died.
'Jay & Silent Bob's Secret Stash'.
I had totally forgotten about the Kevin Smith stuff I ordered 2 months ago. So here I am looking at my stuff. Giggling over the fact that I am such a geek its unbelievable. I did get a 'Quick Stop Groceries' shirt (Quick Stop is the main shop in all the View Askew movies), but am wearing that already (see, total geek).
I got 2 signed books, and a comic
So so happy now. Just have to wait for Mest stuff tomorrow, then I'm all good. Yeah, DHL got in contact and said that it would be here tomorrow. Booyah.
So friggin happy.
How ironic is it i was listening to SModcast today.
Monday, 2 November 2009
Happy Monday
Whats so happy about it? I dunno, just felt like Monday needed to feel a bit happier. *shrugs*
Rather than write this report I am supposed to be writing, I am sitting blogging and playing at Bejeweled on Facebook. I feel really shitty today. My head is thumping so badly. I feel like a big bag of gross-ness, which isn't a good thing.
I bought myself a new ipod dock today, seeing as my old one died. The batteries exploded inside of it, and the battery fluid must have got inside it, cause its no workin at all. This new one is coolies, and will look braw when I get my new desk, whenever that will be :/.
^^it looks braw, and its black like my iBob. XD It was only £30 from Asda, which is well guid.
I can't believe its Monday, already. The weekends seem to be getting shorter and shorter. Which is no good thing, i think its cause I sleep most of the weekend, or watch tv. I want to finish a drawing of Kaiko, but I left my pens at home. :( Also, I need to call DHL to get my parcel redelivered, seeing as Mest Merch don't use Royal Mail anymore. So instead of picking it up, en route to college, I now have to go back into Ediburgh, just to come back to Fife. I'm gonna see if they can redeliver it. In fact thats what I'll do after work. Just email them, and say 'Bring It On Wednesday, Cause I Have No College'. If the fuckers send it back, I will cry. I want my Lovato signed CD now. *stamps feet*
Oh yeah, got my free sky stopped again, because I was sick. They say I have a week to appeal, then don't tell me how to appeal. Fucking shite, the lot of it. If I could afford Sky, I wouldn't be working there to get it free. I so hope I don't have a call monitering tonight, cause the way my luck is today, I will probably do dreadful. Pffft.
I want to go home an go to bed, not work till 11pm. It sucks majorly. I like the people I work with, and the job isn't that bad, its just the people who are in charge. Total arseholes, the lot of them.
Trying to find a flat, yeah 25 and still live with the folks. Not getting very far, cause all the places I can afford, are taken up by druggie dole birds, who have never worked a day in their lives. I mean, come on, I've worked since I was 16, and I am a full time student who pays £200 taxes a month, cause I work to many hours. Fuck off. Some people get everything for nothing. I get nothing for everything I do. *bangs head off wall* Its not fucking right. It really isn't, this country is a fucking joke, and not a very good one, at that.
My life is like a box of chocolates, which have been sat on a heater and are all melted and messy.
Rather than write this report I am supposed to be writing, I am sitting blogging and playing at Bejeweled on Facebook. I feel really shitty today. My head is thumping so badly. I feel like a big bag of gross-ness, which isn't a good thing.
I bought myself a new ipod dock today, seeing as my old one died. The batteries exploded inside of it, and the battery fluid must have got inside it, cause its no workin at all. This new one is coolies, and will look braw when I get my new desk, whenever that will be :/.
^^it looks braw, and its black like my iBob. XD It was only £30 from Asda, which is well guid.
I can't believe its Monday, already. The weekends seem to be getting shorter and shorter. Which is no good thing, i think its cause I sleep most of the weekend, or watch tv. I want to finish a drawing of Kaiko, but I left my pens at home. :( Also, I need to call DHL to get my parcel redelivered, seeing as Mest Merch don't use Royal Mail anymore. So instead of picking it up, en route to college, I now have to go back into Ediburgh, just to come back to Fife. I'm gonna see if they can redeliver it. In fact thats what I'll do after work. Just email them, and say 'Bring It On Wednesday, Cause I Have No College'. If the fuckers send it back, I will cry. I want my Lovato signed CD now. *stamps feet*
Oh yeah, got my free sky stopped again, because I was sick. They say I have a week to appeal, then don't tell me how to appeal. Fucking shite, the lot of it. If I could afford Sky, I wouldn't be working there to get it free. I so hope I don't have a call monitering tonight, cause the way my luck is today, I will probably do dreadful. Pffft.
I want to go home an go to bed, not work till 11pm. It sucks majorly. I like the people I work with, and the job isn't that bad, its just the people who are in charge. Total arseholes, the lot of them.
Trying to find a flat, yeah 25 and still live with the folks. Not getting very far, cause all the places I can afford, are taken up by druggie dole birds, who have never worked a day in their lives. I mean, come on, I've worked since I was 16, and I am a full time student who pays £200 taxes a month, cause I work to many hours. Fuck off. Some people get everything for nothing. I get nothing for everything I do. *bangs head off wall* Its not fucking right. It really isn't, this country is a fucking joke, and not a very good one, at that.
My life is like a box of chocolates, which have been sat on a heater and are all melted and messy.
Thursday, 22 October 2009
Safe space
This is a college project. Safe Space is a place for youngsters to go and get help, if they are being abused. The idea was to create a poster to promote the idea, and give contact details, etc. It was created in Illustrator, with the hand drawn images, taken from images used by the organiser, as it was drawn up by kids, who may use the service.
This is the start of me blogging my 'creations', lol. So if you pop in, give me a bell and let me know what you think.
This is the start of me blogging my 'creations', lol. So if you pop in, give me a bell and let me know what you think.
Picture Post
Because (as said previously) this blog is connected to college, hence this impromptu picture post. I thought I did one on here already, but I obviously forgot.
Monday, 12 October 2009
Looking for answers, the only replies are blank stares.
Kinda happy, kinda arty, still kinda bleuch.
Great isn't it?
Despite me seeming happy with life and its goings on, there is still this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Ugh.
I dunno why I do that.
If everything is going ok, I just get out my big mental spade, and dig myself a hole. That would maybe continue untill my head explodes. Or till something distracts me. Which to be honest, doesn't take much.
I kick myself on how shit life is, and blame it all on shitty circumstances. It is ALWAYS me who puts myself in these circumstances.
Aargh. I am, quite plainly, getting on my own bloody nerves.
Screw it all, I'm away to bed.
Great isn't it?
Despite me seeming happy with life and its goings on, there is still this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Ugh.
I dunno why I do that.
If everything is going ok, I just get out my big mental spade, and dig myself a hole. That would maybe continue untill my head explodes. Or till something distracts me. Which to be honest, doesn't take much.
I kick myself on how shit life is, and blame it all on shitty circumstances. It is ALWAYS me who puts myself in these circumstances.
Aargh. I am, quite plainly, getting on my own bloody nerves.
Screw it all, I'm away to bed.
looking for answers, all my replies are blank stares.
Kinda happy, kinda arty, still kinda bleuch.
Great isn't it?
Despite me seeming happy with life and its goings on, there is still this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Ugh.
I dunno why I do that.
If everything is going ok, I just get out my big mental spade, and dig myself a hole. That would maybe continue untill my head explodes. Or till something distracts me. Which to be honest, doesn't take much.
I kick myself on how shit life is, and blame it all on shitty circumstances. It is ALWAYS me who puts myself in these circumstances.
Aargh. I am, quite plainly, getting on my own bloody nerves.
Screw it all, I'm away to bed.
Great isn't it?
Despite me seeming happy with life and its goings on, there is still this nagging feeling in the back of my mind. Ugh.
I dunno why I do that.
If everything is going ok, I just get out my big mental spade, and dig myself a hole. That would maybe continue untill my head explodes. Or till something distracts me. Which to be honest, doesn't take much.
I kick myself on how shit life is, and blame it all on shitty circumstances. It is ALWAYS me who puts myself in these circumstances.
Aargh. I am, quite plainly, getting on my own bloody nerves.
Screw it all, I'm away to bed.
Friday, 2 October 2009
Weekend :) Its a busy one
I am so so hyper.
At work with a rather exciting weekend ahead of me.
Tomorrow daytime is pretty normal, tidying up, which I really need to do :/
(My room is a tip)
Then in the afternoon I have a 'sea themed' party at Lynns. Going as a pirate
On Sunday, daytime, again boring and I'm doing college work
At night I am going through to Edinburgh for Kai's 21st. XD
Total braw weekend, also trying to organise myself for Jade's bday in Dunfermline.
Guid times.
Well apart from the fact Kevin Smith is coming to Scotland and I dont have enough money or the holiday to go. :(
At work with a rather exciting weekend ahead of me.
Tomorrow daytime is pretty normal, tidying up, which I really need to do :/
(My room is a tip)
Then in the afternoon I have a 'sea themed' party at Lynns. Going as a pirate
On Sunday, daytime, again boring and I'm doing college work
At night I am going through to Edinburgh for Kai's 21st. XD
Total braw weekend, also trying to organise myself for Jade's bday in Dunfermline.
Guid times.
Well apart from the fact Kevin Smith is coming to Scotland and I dont have enough money or the holiday to go. :(
Thursday, 1 October 2009
Getting there slowly
I am totally back into being all happy and in love with art again. Which, for the record, makes me happier than anything.
I feel so lucky to be able to work all my frustrations out by drawing or painting. It is a great feeling.
I still do get my good and bad days, where all I want to do is sit in my bed and cry, but I have my coping mechanism. A lot of people don't have anything as a release.
Another thing I obviously have as a release is music, I love music. It inspires me so much, but on days like today, I have to have left my ipod at home. And I tells ya, I feel naked without it. :(
I feel so lucky to be able to work all my frustrations out by drawing or painting. It is a great feeling.
I still do get my good and bad days, where all I want to do is sit in my bed and cry, but I have my coping mechanism. A lot of people don't have anything as a release.
Another thing I obviously have as a release is music, I love music. It inspires me so much, but on days like today, I have to have left my ipod at home. And I tells ya, I feel naked without it. :(
Monday, 28 September 2009
Working hard.
Okay, its start of another busy week (I swear the weekends are getting shorter).
But I have so much to do this week.
Organise Outcome 2 and 3 for Creative industries
Finish research and planning for Graphic design
make some major progress in mixed media
Do poster for Digital imaging
Bring in Art and design context stuff for Colin
Draw a Lhasa Lapso for someone at work
Paint cat B&W, for Gemma's bday
Maybe do Labrador for Gemma L's bday
Finish Tegan
Make photoshop things :D
But I have so much to do this week.
Organise Outcome 2 and 3 for Creative industries
Finish research and planning for Graphic design
make some major progress in mixed media
Do poster for Digital imaging
Bring in Art and design context stuff for Colin
Draw a Lhasa Lapso for someone at work
Paint cat B&W, for Gemma's bday
Maybe do Labrador for Gemma L's bday
Finish Tegan
Make photoshop things :D
Thursday, 24 September 2009
Monday, 21 September 2009
Oh, well
Been spending the last 3 hours staring at this damn computer, wanting to get work done for tomorrow, but on my 4th week back, I have reached another mental block. Which is irritating as hell.
I am trying to make sure I have all my pieces for Laura's multimedia class tomorrow, but my brain isn't co-operating. I don't know if that by taking a break in Aberdeen, I have been left more tired and exhausted. Well I have decided, I am going to blether a bit of rubbish, stick everything in my book, then make the book better, by writing and drawing a few bits on it. I don't know how much I'll get done, but we'll see.
This weekend in Aberdeen was fab, but I saw two of my closest friends, strong women, who were upset over men. I just hate it how people are so selfish to not think of another person, and lead them on, or pretend to care about them. Its the pressure, I mean one relationship ends, then we have that self doubt telling us we will be alone forever.
Its not that thought of being alone, I want to know where the idea came from that being alone is such a bad thing? Its nature for people feeling the want to be around others, but I'm sick of people thinking there is something wrong with me for being single for over a year and a half. I mean at the end of the day, we are born alone, we die alone. No matter what happens in the middle, the unevitable things in life we do alone-birth and death.
Damn, thats awful morbid for a Monday!
I am trying to make sure I have all my pieces for Laura's multimedia class tomorrow, but my brain isn't co-operating. I don't know if that by taking a break in Aberdeen, I have been left more tired and exhausted. Well I have decided, I am going to blether a bit of rubbish, stick everything in my book, then make the book better, by writing and drawing a few bits on it. I don't know how much I'll get done, but we'll see.
This weekend in Aberdeen was fab, but I saw two of my closest friends, strong women, who were upset over men. I just hate it how people are so selfish to not think of another person, and lead them on, or pretend to care about them. Its the pressure, I mean one relationship ends, then we have that self doubt telling us we will be alone forever.
Its not that thought of being alone, I want to know where the idea came from that being alone is such a bad thing? Its nature for people feeling the want to be around others, but I'm sick of people thinking there is something wrong with me for being single for over a year and a half. I mean at the end of the day, we are born alone, we die alone. No matter what happens in the middle, the unevitable things in life we do alone-birth and death.
Damn, thats awful morbid for a Monday!
oh, well
Been spending the last 3 hours staring at this damn computer, wanting to get work done for tomorrow, but on my 4th week back, I have reached another mental block. Which is irritating as hell.
I am trying to make sure I have all my pieces for Laura's multimedia class tomorrow, but my brain isn't co-operating. I don't know if that by taking a break in Aberdeen, I have been left more tired and exhausted. Well I have decided, I am going to blether a bit of rubbish, stick everything in my book, then make the book better, by writing and drawing a few bits on it. I don't know how much I'll get done, but we'll see.
This weekend in Aberdeen was fab, but I saw two of my closest friends, strong women, who were upset over men. I just hate it how people are so selfish to not think of another person, and lead them on, or pretend to care about them. Its the pressure, I mean one relationship ends, then we have that self doubt telling us we will be alone forever.
Its not that thought of being alone, I want to know where the idea came from that being alone is such a bad thing? Its nature for people feeling the want to be around others, but I'm sick of people thinking there is something wrong with me for being single for over a year and a half. I mean at the end of the day, we are born alone, we die alone. No matter what happens in the middle, the unevitable things in life we do alone-birth and death.
Damn, thats awful morbid for a Monday!
I am trying to make sure I have all my pieces for Laura's multimedia class tomorrow, but my brain isn't co-operating. I don't know if that by taking a break in Aberdeen, I have been left more tired and exhausted. Well I have decided, I am going to blether a bit of rubbish, stick everything in my book, then make the book better, by writing and drawing a few bits on it. I don't know how much I'll get done, but we'll see.
This weekend in Aberdeen was fab, but I saw two of my closest friends, strong women, who were upset over men. I just hate it how people are so selfish to not think of another person, and lead them on, or pretend to care about them. Its the pressure, I mean one relationship ends, then we have that self doubt telling us we will be alone forever.
Its not that thought of being alone, I want to know where the idea came from that being alone is such a bad thing? Its nature for people feeling the want to be around others, but I'm sick of people thinking there is something wrong with me for being single for over a year and a half. I mean at the end of the day, we are born alone, we die alone. No matter what happens in the middle, the unevitable things in life we do alone-birth and death.
Damn, thats awful morbid for a Monday!
Thursday, 17 September 2009
Wednesday, 16 September 2009
Thinking thoughts
Due to me spending most of today on my own, I have been inside my own head, thinking waaay to much. About a lot of different things. Mostly, about how someone says something to me, and my head manages to completely distort the comment, usually into something negative about myself.
Take yesterday for example. After a day out looking round galleries, me and a few people went to the pub. We ended up talking about last year, and how there was a lot of bitching going on. And Sarah said that everyone seems to like me, that she'd never heard anyone speak negatively of me. Now, most people would be happy with that and think that they are a nice person to everyone, so would hope that people would like me in return. But, I over think. So what should have been positive, ended up me thinking that 'if everyone liked me, who come everytime I need someone noone is around? How come noone is there for me'?
But then I was I that automatic thinking of 'they like me, but not enough'? That is very possible, as I have long held a habit of where I make problems for myself. But thats putting the basis of my feelings on to other people, and holding them responsible if anything goes wrong. Which, I am trying to get myself to avoid doing. But then again, it is a well known trait of human behaviour. Its self defence. Its easier to blame someone else for what you have done wrong, rather than admit that it is due to your own failings. Its a hard thing to get a grasp off. But I think I will be a lot happier if I can get it into my head, that it is ok to muck things up sometimes.
Its not that I am a perfectionist, far from it, I just feel that the only way I can be happy with what I have, is to take responsibility for what happens.
Take yesterday for example. After a day out looking round galleries, me and a few people went to the pub. We ended up talking about last year, and how there was a lot of bitching going on. And Sarah said that everyone seems to like me, that she'd never heard anyone speak negatively of me. Now, most people would be happy with that and think that they are a nice person to everyone, so would hope that people would like me in return. But, I over think. So what should have been positive, ended up me thinking that 'if everyone liked me, who come everytime I need someone noone is around? How come noone is there for me'?
But then I was I that automatic thinking of 'they like me, but not enough'? That is very possible, as I have long held a habit of where I make problems for myself. But thats putting the basis of my feelings on to other people, and holding them responsible if anything goes wrong. Which, I am trying to get myself to avoid doing. But then again, it is a well known trait of human behaviour. Its self defence. Its easier to blame someone else for what you have done wrong, rather than admit that it is due to your own failings. Its a hard thing to get a grasp off. But I think I will be a lot happier if I can get it into my head, that it is ok to muck things up sometimes.
Its not that I am a perfectionist, far from it, I just feel that the only way I can be happy with what I have, is to take responsibility for what happens.
Thinking thoughts
Due to me spending most of today on my own, I have been inside my own head, thinking waaay to much. About a lot of different things. Mostly, about how someone says something to me, and my head manages to completely distort the comment, usually into something negative about myself.
Take yesterday for example. After a day out looking round galleries, me and a few people went to the pub. We ended up talking about last year, and how there was a lot of bitching going on. And Sarah said that everyone seems to like me, that she'd never heard anyone speak negatively of me. Now, most people would be happy with that and think that they are a nice person to everyone, so would hope that people would like me in return. But, I over think. So what should have been positive, ended up me thinking that 'if everyone liked me, who come everytime I need someone noone is around? How come noone is there for me'?
But then I was I that automatic thinking of 'they like me, but not enough'? That is very possible, as I have long held a habit of where I make problems for myself. But thats putting the basis of my feelings on to other people, and holding them responsible if anything goes wrong. Which, I am trying to get myself to avoid doing. But then again, it is a well known trait of human behaviour. Its self defence. Its easier to blame someone else for what you have done wrong, rather than admit that it is due to your own failings. Its a hard thing to get a grasp off. But I think I will be a lot happier if I can get it into my head, that it is ok to muck things up sometimes.
Its not that I am a perfectionist, far from it, I just feel that the only way I can be happy with what I have, is to take responsibility for what happens.
Take yesterday for example. After a day out looking round galleries, me and a few people went to the pub. We ended up talking about last year, and how there was a lot of bitching going on. And Sarah said that everyone seems to like me, that she'd never heard anyone speak negatively of me. Now, most people would be happy with that and think that they are a nice person to everyone, so would hope that people would like me in return. But, I over think. So what should have been positive, ended up me thinking that 'if everyone liked me, who come everytime I need someone noone is around? How come noone is there for me'?
But then I was I that automatic thinking of 'they like me, but not enough'? That is very possible, as I have long held a habit of where I make problems for myself. But thats putting the basis of my feelings on to other people, and holding them responsible if anything goes wrong. Which, I am trying to get myself to avoid doing. But then again, it is a well known trait of human behaviour. Its self defence. Its easier to blame someone else for what you have done wrong, rather than admit that it is due to your own failings. Its a hard thing to get a grasp off. But I think I will be a lot happier if I can get it into my head, that it is ok to muck things up sometimes.
Its not that I am a perfectionist, far from it, I just feel that the only way I can be happy with what I have, is to take responsibility for what happens.
Monday, 14 September 2009
Love- Con?
After watching way too much Sex And The City this weekend, and reading a news paper article on love 'hoaxes', I decided a blog was in need. :)
Apparantly with the influx of dating websites on the internet, there is now a trend of people being 'duped' by fakes. As with most internet cons, the main idea is to make money out of insuspecting victims. There has been cases of people going to meet their 'online lover' and are ditched, coming home to find that their home has been broken into. I thought, people were aware the dangers of giving out privatye information on line? I mean my 11 year old sister, has a fake name and town name she uses when on various online sites, because they have all been told that the internet runs on imagination.
Which is a good point. I mean, a large precentage of the internet is articles, blogs with people waxing lyrical about subjects with no major significance (ahhem-no comment). But with it feeling like you are contacting another world, a world where anyone can have hundreds of Facebook friends and feel so popular. Which in all honesty is no bad thing. I mean I have many friends, which I have made online. But when the satisfaction of your 'online life' outranks that of you boring real life, it's not to easy to get wrapped up in what you are seeing.
Some people also find it hard to distinguish the difference between online and reality. And if someone gains some affection whether its online or not, of course it is going to feel great. But to actually get to the point, that this person you are emailing, and PM-ing is actually a real person. When in reality, a huge part of the intense feeling of love is partially in the persons head, they want to feel intensity and want to be in a relationship, so their imagination harbours these intense feelings. Bear in mind that these feelings, do not come from the figurative heart, it comes straight from the head (I am a major love cynic). It doesn't help that it is scientifically proven, that the feelings of love come from pre-concieved teachings that we are taught from an early age. Why are we taught about love? Because love leads to marriage, and marriage encourages people to settle down, reproduce and generally keep the ecconomy. Infatuation, that happens when you first meet a person you get on famously with, is sold as love. That love is natural. Love does exist, but the reason so many marriages end in divorce these days is because love is no longer an emotion, it is a strong marketing tool and it has you in its sights.
Just like how young girls are sold magazines filled with tips on dating, and finding the right man. This isn't information, this isn't even supply and demand, this is brainwashing. Having a man, does not equal a successful woman, but this is what is sold to people hoping to 'turn their lives around'. As if meeting a man, is going to immediately lurn you life around. Its just no more a pipe dream than wanting to be a celebrity ( a whole other topic).
People should learn that only they can be held responsible for making their life better, if they don't take responsibilty, they cannot blame others for making benefits out of their failure of realism.
Apparantly with the influx of dating websites on the internet, there is now a trend of people being 'duped' by fakes. As with most internet cons, the main idea is to make money out of insuspecting victims. There has been cases of people going to meet their 'online lover' and are ditched, coming home to find that their home has been broken into. I thought, people were aware the dangers of giving out privatye information on line? I mean my 11 year old sister, has a fake name and town name she uses when on various online sites, because they have all been told that the internet runs on imagination.
Which is a good point. I mean, a large precentage of the internet is articles, blogs with people waxing lyrical about subjects with no major significance (ahhem-no comment). But with it feeling like you are contacting another world, a world where anyone can have hundreds of Facebook friends and feel so popular. Which in all honesty is no bad thing. I mean I have many friends, which I have made online. But when the satisfaction of your 'online life' outranks that of you boring real life, it's not to easy to get wrapped up in what you are seeing.
Some people also find it hard to distinguish the difference between online and reality. And if someone gains some affection whether its online or not, of course it is going to feel great. But to actually get to the point, that this person you are emailing, and PM-ing is actually a real person. When in reality, a huge part of the intense feeling of love is partially in the persons head, they want to feel intensity and want to be in a relationship, so their imagination harbours these intense feelings. Bear in mind that these feelings, do not come from the figurative heart, it comes straight from the head (I am a major love cynic). It doesn't help that it is scientifically proven, that the feelings of love come from pre-concieved teachings that we are taught from an early age. Why are we taught about love? Because love leads to marriage, and marriage encourages people to settle down, reproduce and generally keep the ecconomy. Infatuation, that happens when you first meet a person you get on famously with, is sold as love. That love is natural. Love does exist, but the reason so many marriages end in divorce these days is because love is no longer an emotion, it is a strong marketing tool and it has you in its sights.
Just like how young girls are sold magazines filled with tips on dating, and finding the right man. This isn't information, this isn't even supply and demand, this is brainwashing. Having a man, does not equal a successful woman, but this is what is sold to people hoping to 'turn their lives around'. As if meeting a man, is going to immediately lurn you life around. Its just no more a pipe dream than wanting to be a celebrity ( a whole other topic).
People should learn that only they can be held responsible for making their life better, if they don't take responsibilty, they cannot blame others for making benefits out of their failure of realism.
'Love' Con?
After watching way too much Sex And The City this weekend, and reading a news paper article on love 'hoaxes', I decided a blog was in need. :)
Apparantly with the influx of dating websites on the internet, there is now a trend of people being 'duped' by fakes. As with most internet cons, the main idea is to make money out of insuspecting victims. There has been cases of people going to meet their 'online lover' and are ditched, coming home to find that their home has been broken into. I thought, people were aware the dangers of giving out privatye information on line? I mean my 11 year old sister, has a fake name and town name she uses when on various online sites, because they have all been told that the internet runs on imagination.
Which is a good point. I mean, a large precentage of the internet is articles, blogs with people waxing lyrical about subjects with no major significance (ahhem-no comment). But with it feeling like you are contacting another world, a world where anyone can have hundreds of Facebook friends and feel so popular. Which in all honesty is no bad thing. I mean I have many friends, which I have made online. But when the satisfaction of your 'online life' outranks that of you boring real life, it's not to easy to get wrapped up in what you are seeing.
Some people also find it hard to distinguish the difference between online and reality. And if someone gains some affection whether its online or not, of course it is going to feel great. But to actually get to the point, that this person you are emailing, and PM-ing is actually a real person. When in reality, a huge part of the intense feeling of love is partially in the persons head, they want to feel intensity and want to be in a relationship, so their imagination harbours these intense feelings. Bear in mind that these feelings, do not come from the figurative heart, it comes straight from the head (I am a major love cynic). It doesn't help that it is scientifically proven, that the feelings of love come from pre-concieved teachings that we are taught from an early age. Why are we taught about love? Because love leads to marriage, and marriage encourages people to settle down, reproduce and generally keep the ecconomy. Infatuation, that happens when you first meet a person you get on famously with, is sold as love. That love is natural. Love does exist, but the reason so many marriages end in divorce these days is because love is no longer an emotion, it is a strong marketing tool and it has you in its sights.
Just like how young girls are sold magazines filled with tips on dating, and finding the right man. This isn't information, this isn't even supply and demand, this is brainwashing. Having a man, does not equal a successful woman, but this is what is sold to people hoping to 'turn their lives around'. As if meeting a man, is going to immediately lurn you life around. Its just no more a pipe dream than wanting to be a celebrity ( a whole other topic).
People should learn that only they can be held responsible for making their life better, if they don't take responsibilty, they cannot blame others for making benefits out of their failure of realism.
Apparantly with the influx of dating websites on the internet, there is now a trend of people being 'duped' by fakes. As with most internet cons, the main idea is to make money out of insuspecting victims. There has been cases of people going to meet their 'online lover' and are ditched, coming home to find that their home has been broken into. I thought, people were aware the dangers of giving out privatye information on line? I mean my 11 year old sister, has a fake name and town name she uses when on various online sites, because they have all been told that the internet runs on imagination.
Which is a good point. I mean, a large precentage of the internet is articles, blogs with people waxing lyrical about subjects with no major significance (ahhem-no comment). But with it feeling like you are contacting another world, a world where anyone can have hundreds of Facebook friends and feel so popular. Which in all honesty is no bad thing. I mean I have many friends, which I have made online. But when the satisfaction of your 'online life' outranks that of you boring real life, it's not to easy to get wrapped up in what you are seeing.
Some people also find it hard to distinguish the difference between online and reality. And if someone gains some affection whether its online or not, of course it is going to feel great. But to actually get to the point, that this person you are emailing, and PM-ing is actually a real person. When in reality, a huge part of the intense feeling of love is partially in the persons head, they want to feel intensity and want to be in a relationship, so their imagination harbours these intense feelings. Bear in mind that these feelings, do not come from the figurative heart, it comes straight from the head (I am a major love cynic). It doesn't help that it is scientifically proven, that the feelings of love come from pre-concieved teachings that we are taught from an early age. Why are we taught about love? Because love leads to marriage, and marriage encourages people to settle down, reproduce and generally keep the ecconomy. Infatuation, that happens when you first meet a person you get on famously with, is sold as love. That love is natural. Love does exist, but the reason so many marriages end in divorce these days is because love is no longer an emotion, it is a strong marketing tool and it has you in its sights.
Just like how young girls are sold magazines filled with tips on dating, and finding the right man. This isn't information, this isn't even supply and demand, this is brainwashing. Having a man, does not equal a successful woman, but this is what is sold to people hoping to 'turn their lives around'. As if meeting a man, is going to immediately lurn you life around. Its just no more a pipe dream than wanting to be a celebrity ( a whole other topic).
People should learn that only they can be held responsible for making their life better, if they don't take responsibilty, they cannot blame others for making benefits out of their failure of realism.
Thursday, 10 September 2009
Inspiration- artists
I am currently trying to drum together lots of things, which inspire me in work, and what I do. ]
I am going to look at all the artists, both graphic and traditional that inspire me.
The first one, is an artist I talk about frequently. Salvador Dali. I love his obscure images he created. The fact that he was so incentric and was amzing at attracting attention to himself and promoting his work. Which in any type of art, is necessary. You need to have the courage and belief to promote yourself and your work. And thats what I took from him.
I also admire Kat Von D. I know it sounds a bit 'off' naming her as an artist. But aside from the profile she has provided to the tattooing world, she also has an ever increasing portfolio of work, that she does, alongside the day job. She has a very good outlook on life, and I like that. Again she is another artist, who believes in endless self-promotion. But in a world where artists, no matter what the genre, have to do some self promotion, if they want to succeed. So if you cannot sell yourself, and your work, then there is no point in looking for an artistic career. She also takes a huge influence from music, which is one is my main influence in life in general. She also has a habit of overworking herself, which is something people are constantly telling me I do.
John Constable is another one of my favourite artists. I love how he came out against what was the trend at the time, which was a lot of drawing from imagination and things. He believed taht he had to take art from what was directly in front of him. He is noted as saying that 'beauty in the world, is noticing its imperfections, that in itself is perfection'. I think that is great, as not every leave you see is not identical and they are all different. Although his work was very upmarket, they are genuinely beautiful images.
Charlie Harper is another influencial artist. He is lead singer for a punk band called the UK Subs, and he also produces his own art work. I first saw his work two years ago at a punk festival, called Rebellion, which I go to every year. He shows a lot of urban. grunge style work, and his work comes across as if he is frustrated. Many strong emotions are shown in art. I love the idea that Charlie doesn't feel that just because he is succesful with music that he should stick with that, and he does well at art also.
I am going to look at all the artists, both graphic and traditional that inspire me.
The first one, is an artist I talk about frequently. Salvador Dali. I love his obscure images he created. The fact that he was so incentric and was amzing at attracting attention to himself and promoting his work. Which in any type of art, is necessary. You need to have the courage and belief to promote yourself and your work. And thats what I took from him.
I also admire Kat Von D. I know it sounds a bit 'off' naming her as an artist. But aside from the profile she has provided to the tattooing world, she also has an ever increasing portfolio of work, that she does, alongside the day job. She has a very good outlook on life, and I like that. Again she is another artist, who believes in endless self-promotion. But in a world where artists, no matter what the genre, have to do some self promotion, if they want to succeed. So if you cannot sell yourself, and your work, then there is no point in looking for an artistic career. She also takes a huge influence from music, which is one is my main influence in life in general. She also has a habit of overworking herself, which is something people are constantly telling me I do.
John Constable is another one of my favourite artists. I love how he came out against what was the trend at the time, which was a lot of drawing from imagination and things. He believed taht he had to take art from what was directly in front of him. He is noted as saying that 'beauty in the world, is noticing its imperfections, that in itself is perfection'. I think that is great, as not every leave you see is not identical and they are all different. Although his work was very upmarket, they are genuinely beautiful images.
Charlie Harper is another influencial artist. He is lead singer for a punk band called the UK Subs, and he also produces his own art work. I first saw his work two years ago at a punk festival, called Rebellion, which I go to every year. He shows a lot of urban. grunge style work, and his work comes across as if he is frustrated. Many strong emotions are shown in art. I love the idea that Charlie doesn't feel that just because he is succesful with music that he should stick with that, and he does well at art also.
influences- artists
I am currently trying to drum together lots of things, which inspire me in work, and what I do. ]
I am going to look at all the artists, both graphic and traditional that inspire me.
The first one, is an artist I talk about frequently. Salvador Dali. I love his obscure images he created. The fact that he was so incentric and was amzing at attracting attention to himself and promoting his work. Which in any type of art, is necessary. You need to have the courage and belief to promote yourself and your work. And thats what I took from him.
I also admire Kat Von D. I know it sounds a bit 'off' naming her as an artist. But aside from the profile she has provided to the tattooing world, she also has an ever increasing portfolio of work, that she does, alongside the day job. She has a very good outlook on life, and I like that. Again she is another artist, who believes in endless self-promotion. But in a world where artists, no matter what the genre, have to do some self promotion, if they want to succeed. So if you cannot sell yourself, and your work, then there is no point in looking for an artistic career. She also takes a huge influence from music, which is one is my main influence in life in general. She also has a habit of overworking herself, which is something people are constantly telling me I do.
John Constable is another one of my favourite artists. I love how he came out against what was the trend at the time, which was a lot of drawing from imagination and things. He believed taht he had to take art from what was directly in front of him. He is noted as saying that 'beauty in the world, is noticing its imperfections, that in itself is perfection'. I think that is great, as not every leave you see is not identical and they are all different. Although his work was very upmarket, they are genuinely beautiful images.
Charlie Harper is another influencial artist. He is lead singer for a punk band called the UK Subs, and he also produces his own art work. I first saw his work two years ago at a punk festival, called Rebellion, which I go to every year. He shows a lot of urban. grunge style work, and his work comes across as if he is frustrated. Many strong emotions are shown in art. I love the idea that Charlie doesn't feel that just because he is succesful with music that he should stick with that, and he does well at art also.
I am going to look at all the artists, both graphic and traditional that inspire me.
The first one, is an artist I talk about frequently. Salvador Dali. I love his obscure images he created. The fact that he was so incentric and was amzing at attracting attention to himself and promoting his work. Which in any type of art, is necessary. You need to have the courage and belief to promote yourself and your work. And thats what I took from him.
I also admire Kat Von D. I know it sounds a bit 'off' naming her as an artist. But aside from the profile she has provided to the tattooing world, she also has an ever increasing portfolio of work, that she does, alongside the day job. She has a very good outlook on life, and I like that. Again she is another artist, who believes in endless self-promotion. But in a world where artists, no matter what the genre, have to do some self promotion, if they want to succeed. So if you cannot sell yourself, and your work, then there is no point in looking for an artistic career. She also takes a huge influence from music, which is one is my main influence in life in general. She also has a habit of overworking herself, which is something people are constantly telling me I do.
John Constable is another one of my favourite artists. I love how he came out against what was the trend at the time, which was a lot of drawing from imagination and things. He believed taht he had to take art from what was directly in front of him. He is noted as saying that 'beauty in the world, is noticing its imperfections, that in itself is perfection'. I think that is great, as not every leave you see is not identical and they are all different. Although his work was very upmarket, they are genuinely beautiful images.
Charlie Harper is another influencial artist. He is lead singer for a punk band called the UK Subs, and he also produces his own art work. I first saw his work two years ago at a punk festival, called Rebellion, which I go to every year. He shows a lot of urban. grunge style work, and his work comes across as if he is frustrated. Many strong emotions are shown in art. I love the idea that Charlie doesn't feel that just because he is succesful with music that he should stick with that, and he does well at art also.
Government, govern?
Firstly, I decided at the beginning that this was going to be a blog sticking to me and graphics work, but I need to get something off my chest. This is about the British government and how they think it is acceptable to not equip soldiers they send to war zones.
My brother has recently joined up with the British Army, for the soul reason that there is no work for an unskilled guy in this country anymore. He was working for as company making industrial wooden palettes, and he couldn't imagine himself doing that for the rest of his days. So what did he do, he signed up for the army. Something he could see as his only route out of this hellhole.
Now he is currently doing his training. He is luckily doing driving for field ambulances, which means that he will be stationed in Germany for two years. The thing is, if he was in infantry he would be sent out to Afghanistan 2 months after training.
If it is not bad enough, there are reports that the troops do not have the correct supplies in order to do the requested job. Why on earth would you send soldiers out to a war zone inadequately prepared?
I am of the belief that this swine flu and the expenses scandal that the British Government seem to be involved in are mere distractions from the issue that they are sending their own citizens to the slaughter. Which seeing as my brother will be one of those sent out, I cannot speak enough in my disgust in this clowns that rule this fucking country.
I mean there are hundreds of variations of the flu, which comes into this country every year, this one has hit the headlines to cover up the cock ups which have been done by these overpaid idiots. I mean they take money away from the public so that they can hire gardeners, these are people who WE voted into power, yet they have no apologies for what they have done. No apologies that the people sent to fight under the Union Jack are not given even the correct clothing for the terrain they are in, whilst the people controlling their fate are to busy worrying about themselves to care about the people they serve.
Unfortunately this is not a new development. The British Army have been wrongly equipt for decades. It is a joke and gives a huge insight into what this country is like. Why would anyone want to come and live in a country who can't even give their soldiers adequate treatment?
What does that say about this state of a country? You give them trust and they have done nothing for it. I say give them minimum wage, if they have to live away from home, give them student accommodation. And public transport home, if needed.
My brother has recently joined up with the British Army, for the soul reason that there is no work for an unskilled guy in this country anymore. He was working for as company making industrial wooden palettes, and he couldn't imagine himself doing that for the rest of his days. So what did he do, he signed up for the army. Something he could see as his only route out of this hellhole.
Now he is currently doing his training. He is luckily doing driving for field ambulances, which means that he will be stationed in Germany for two years. The thing is, if he was in infantry he would be sent out to Afghanistan 2 months after training.
If it is not bad enough, there are reports that the troops do not have the correct supplies in order to do the requested job. Why on earth would you send soldiers out to a war zone inadequately prepared?
I am of the belief that this swine flu and the expenses scandal that the British Government seem to be involved in are mere distractions from the issue that they are sending their own citizens to the slaughter. Which seeing as my brother will be one of those sent out, I cannot speak enough in my disgust in this clowns that rule this fucking country.
I mean there are hundreds of variations of the flu, which comes into this country every year, this one has hit the headlines to cover up the cock ups which have been done by these overpaid idiots. I mean they take money away from the public so that they can hire gardeners, these are people who WE voted into power, yet they have no apologies for what they have done. No apologies that the people sent to fight under the Union Jack are not given even the correct clothing for the terrain they are in, whilst the people controlling their fate are to busy worrying about themselves to care about the people they serve.
Unfortunately this is not a new development. The British Army have been wrongly equipt for decades. It is a joke and gives a huge insight into what this country is like. Why would anyone want to come and live in a country who can't even give their soldiers adequate treatment?
What does that say about this state of a country? You give them trust and they have done nothing for it. I say give them minimum wage, if they have to live away from home, give them student accommodation. And public transport home, if needed.
Wednesday, 9 September 2009
progress
I had a bit of a lie in today, before I headed into college.
Well, actually, I went and booked myself in for a tattoo, for Friday first. Its going to be two dices one with a '3' and the other at '4'. Its going to have the dices warped and melting, with blue flames, as if the dices are on fire. Ok, it sounds wierd, but I think its gonna be cool. Oh, and its gonna be on my forearm, so.....this sleeve I want to get is well on its way. Coincidentally, the sum of the numbers which is on the dices are 7 and this will be my seventh tattoo. Odd.
Also did work at college O.o
I finished outcome 1 for Creative Industries and handed it to Chris.
I did my own information/ report thing for Information design
and then it was time to head to work. Busy, busy.
Well, actually, I went and booked myself in for a tattoo, for Friday first. Its going to be two dices one with a '3' and the other at '4'. Its going to have the dices warped and melting, with blue flames, as if the dices are on fire. Ok, it sounds wierd, but I think its gonna be cool. Oh, and its gonna be on my forearm, so.....this sleeve I want to get is well on its way. Coincidentally, the sum of the numbers which is on the dices are 7 and this will be my seventh tattoo. Odd.
Also did work at college O.o
I finished outcome 1 for Creative Industries and handed it to Chris.
I did my own information/ report thing for Information design
and then it was time to head to work. Busy, busy.
Progress.
I had a bit of a lie in today, before I headed into college.
Well, actually, I went and booked myself in for a tattoo, for Friday first. Its going to be two dices one with a '3' and the other at '4'. Its going to have the dices warped and melting, with blue flames, as if the dices are on fire. Ok, it sounds wierd, but I think its gonna be cool. Oh, and its gonna be on my forearm, so.....this sleeve I want to get is well on its way. Coincidentally, the sum of the numbers which is on the dices are 7 and this will be my seventh tattoo. Odd.
Also did work at college O.o
I finished outcome 1 for Creative Industries and handed it to Chris.
I did my own information/ report thing for Information design
and then it was time to head to work.
Busy, busy.
All is going good so far :)
Well, actually, I went and booked myself in for a tattoo, for Friday first. Its going to be two dices one with a '3' and the other at '4'. Its going to have the dices warped and melting, with blue flames, as if the dices are on fire. Ok, it sounds wierd, but I think its gonna be cool. Oh, and its gonna be on my forearm, so.....this sleeve I want to get is well on its way. Coincidentally, the sum of the numbers which is on the dices are 7 and this will be my seventh tattoo. Odd.
Also did work at college O.o
I finished outcome 1 for Creative Industries and handed it to Chris.
I did my own information/ report thing for Information design
and then it was time to head to work.
Busy, busy.
All is going good so far :)
Tuesday, 8 September 2009
College.
Everything is pretty much back to normal. 9-4.30 is college, 6-11 is work.
Any extra time is spent on college work, or additional personals. I feel like I can cope with it all, but we'll see how long that lasts. I am trying to keep myself motivated with everything. I mean its quiet at work, and I have been doing research for college prijects.
Main things I need to sort:
*Creative Industries- present outcome 1 on a board for Chris
*Mixed Media- see if I can finish that dreaded frame
*Scan in work, deviant has been a bit neglected---oops
*Adobe. Adobe suite NEEDED. Seeing as my laptop decided to feck it all up.
*External harddrive- Need to buy me one. So I can store things without having to panic that the laptop will fail
And pretty much, try and stay on top of things. Well, I guess time will show how that will go.
Everything is pretty much back to normal. 9-4.30 is college, 6-11 is work.
Any extra time is spent on college work, or additional personals. I feel like I can cope with it all, but we'll see how long that lasts. I am trying to keep myself motivated with everything. I mean its quiet at work, and I have been doing research for college prijects.
Main things I need to sort:
*Creative Industries- present outcome 1 on a board for Chris
*Mixed Media- see if I can finish that dreaded frame
*Scan in work, deviant has been a bit neglected---oops
*Adobe. Adobe suite NEEDED. Seeing as my laptop decided to feck it all up.
*External harddrive- Need to buy me one. So I can store things without having to panic that the laptop will fail
And pretty much, try and stay on top of things. Well, I guess time will show how that will go.
Seriously?
College.
Everything is pretty much back to normal. 9-4.30 is college, 6-11 is work. Any extra time is spent on college work, or additional personals.
I feel like I can cope with it all, but we'll see how long that lasts. I am trying to keep myself motivated with everything. I mean its quiet at work, and I have been doing research for college prijects.
Main things I need to sort:
*Creative Industries- present outcome 1 on a board for Chris
*Mixed Media- see if I can finish that dreaded frame
*Scan in work, deviant has been a bit neglected---oops
*Adobe. Adobe suite NEEDED. Seeing as my laptop decided to feck it all up.
*External harddrive- Need to buy me one. So I can store things without having to panic that the laptop will fail
And pretty much, try and stay on top of things.
Well, I guess time will show how that will go.
Everything is pretty much back to normal. 9-4.30 is college, 6-11 is work. Any extra time is spent on college work, or additional personals.
I feel like I can cope with it all, but we'll see how long that lasts. I am trying to keep myself motivated with everything. I mean its quiet at work, and I have been doing research for college prijects.
Main things I need to sort:
*Creative Industries- present outcome 1 on a board for Chris
*Mixed Media- see if I can finish that dreaded frame
*Scan in work, deviant has been a bit neglected---oops
*Adobe. Adobe suite NEEDED. Seeing as my laptop decided to feck it all up.
*External harddrive- Need to buy me one. So I can store things without having to panic that the laptop will fail
And pretty much, try and stay on top of things.
Well, I guess time will show how that will go.
Hey
OK, I know I already have a RG blog on here, but because this one is linked to the college graphics site, this is now the main Blogger blog.
!?!
I have too many of these things already, but this actually has a connection to the college blog. OK, I know this may end up as another moany blog, full of my bitchiness, if it is i apologize.
It may also be filled with hyperness like the image above. As a tribute to my friend I tried to get Good Charlotte on the trending topics list of Twitter. I did this because, we met through GC. Although we didn't make a TT, Benji posted #GCfam, and tbh that was the best thing ever. Benji was Joe's hero, and I am so greatful he did that.
Thursday, 3 September 2009
The Product of Sex And The City boxset
Sitting watching Sex and The City, and it always makes me wanna blog. Funny that.
It just makes me think about relationships with other people. I mean, I am a friendly person, and unless you are mean to me, I’ll be nice to you. But I always find myself in the situation, that people don’t seem to invite me out. This leads me to spend many lame nights in on Foxy Bingo. I try and organise something, and it always ends up just me and Paul. Not that I mind that, because I’m sure I have talked his ears off with my shitty life story more than once. Its like everyone else has better offers. Its like ‘yeah I would, but I prefer my other friends’. And that feeling just drives me mad. Maybe I think about it too much, but it has always felt like a major flaw in my life. Its probably paranoia, but its the only thing in my life which I feel is holding me back. I mean I have a job, which to be honest is pretty stable. I am back at college, and am totally at peace with it, and am planning my projects and things already. And I am also feeling very creative, and am sketching on top of my college work, and I think that the sketch book will be finished within the next couple of weeks.
So the fact that I seem to have this inhability to get myself anywhere close to the field of dating, feels like the only thing holding me back. I mean, if you are unable to go out regularly, how can you ever expect to get anyone. Its not like I get on with my daily life, thinking ‘there is one person and she will never pass me by’. Because I find that a rather niave way of looking at things, or maybe its me who is the niave one? Is it stupidity, that I seem to excuse myself from even attempting to get into that type of relationship?
I think its where my self-punishment kicks in, telling myself that if I really was such a nice person as I think I am, then why am I single and alone. Why have I been to scared to even go near someone, in a relationship sense, in over a year. Yep, the notorious Sam. Seriously the first time I could admit to myself that I was gay, happened with her. But nothing lasts forever, and as I let myself into her flat, I found her and some blonde bitch in bed together. I have never ever been so hurt in my life. I mean, I had always thought that emotional pain, so severe, you feel it physically, was a load of horse shit. But to be honest, I live with tendonitis (pre-cursor to arthritis) and I have been so sore I can’t walk, but it was so unbeleivable painful. I mean I felt like I was gonna have a heart attack.
So I think that my head is trying to put barriers in my own way to stop that happening again. I mean, honestly, its the only thing I feel is making me feel low at the moment. There is answer somewhere, I hope.
It just makes me think about relationships with other people. I mean, I am a friendly person, and unless you are mean to me, I’ll be nice to you. But I always find myself in the situation, that people don’t seem to invite me out. This leads me to spend many lame nights in on Foxy Bingo. I try and organise something, and it always ends up just me and Paul. Not that I mind that, because I’m sure I have talked his ears off with my shitty life story more than once. Its like everyone else has better offers. Its like ‘yeah I would, but I prefer my other friends’. And that feeling just drives me mad. Maybe I think about it too much, but it has always felt like a major flaw in my life. Its probably paranoia, but its the only thing in my life which I feel is holding me back. I mean I have a job, which to be honest is pretty stable. I am back at college, and am totally at peace with it, and am planning my projects and things already. And I am also feeling very creative, and am sketching on top of my college work, and I think that the sketch book will be finished within the next couple of weeks.
So the fact that I seem to have this inhability to get myself anywhere close to the field of dating, feels like the only thing holding me back. I mean, if you are unable to go out regularly, how can you ever expect to get anyone. Its not like I get on with my daily life, thinking ‘there is one person and she will never pass me by’. Because I find that a rather niave way of looking at things, or maybe its me who is the niave one? Is it stupidity, that I seem to excuse myself from even attempting to get into that type of relationship?
I think its where my self-punishment kicks in, telling myself that if I really was such a nice person as I think I am, then why am I single and alone. Why have I been to scared to even go near someone, in a relationship sense, in over a year. Yep, the notorious Sam. Seriously the first time I could admit to myself that I was gay, happened with her. But nothing lasts forever, and as I let myself into her flat, I found her and some blonde bitch in bed together. I have never ever been so hurt in my life. I mean, I had always thought that emotional pain, so severe, you feel it physically, was a load of horse shit. But to be honest, I live with tendonitis (pre-cursor to arthritis) and I have been so sore I can’t walk, but it was so unbeleivable painful. I mean I felt like I was gonna have a heart attack.
So I think that my head is trying to put barriers in my own way to stop that happening again. I mean, honestly, its the only thing I feel is making me feel low at the moment. There is answer somewhere, I hope.
Friday, 21 August 2009
But I can't help but feel that the weekend is very boring when you are restricted in the cashflow situation.
It means a weekend of me, in the house, bored out my face. I can prove that I can live on no money, seeing as I have lived on nothing since I came back from Blackpool. But as soon as I get any money, its gone within a week. And its always the same, every month. I have no voice in my head telling me not to spend that money, so it just burns an almighty hole in my pocket. Which kinda freaks me out about this next dose of wages. It is looking to be almost double pay, and I need to pay all my bills when I get money. Credit cards first. Credit cards should come with a warning that they are hazardous to one's health. I mean you think they are giving you extra options, but they all want you to spend a fortune so that you can pay endless amounts of interest. Its all a con. And the banks are the same. The take 3 days before and 3 days after any dates you ask for a payment to be taken out, to process the thing. This could mean that they will take the payment out 3 days earlier than you ask for. Which may end up with you being charged, for having no money in your bank. The only good financal thing which has happen lately, is the fact that SAAS told me that I am able to get a loan. Which gives me about an extra £300 a month. Which has its negatives, I mean thats more money to burn a bigger hole. But, if i pay all my bills first, then the rest of the money is mine. Which is what I should do every month, but for some odd reason I don't. The lack of art mentioning in my reccent blogs, should tell you how motivated I am. Well, I seem to spend all my time at home playing Sonic or watching Red Dwarf. As sad as that sounds. Also being doing some looking around websites, for clothes for a sea themed party I am going to in October. I found this Horrorpops striped shirt which had a skull and crossbones on it. It looked so cool, but it was out of stock, and no other website has it. Very irritating
It means a weekend of me, in the house, bored out my face. I can prove that I can live on no money, seeing as I have lived on nothing since I came back from Blackpool. But as soon as I get any money, its gone within a week. And its always the same, every month. I have no voice in my head telling me not to spend that money, so it just burns an almighty hole in my pocket. Which kinda freaks me out about this next dose of wages. It is looking to be almost double pay, and I need to pay all my bills when I get money. Credit cards first. Credit cards should come with a warning that they are hazardous to one's health. I mean you think they are giving you extra options, but they all want you to spend a fortune so that you can pay endless amounts of interest. Its all a con. And the banks are the same. The take 3 days before and 3 days after any dates you ask for a payment to be taken out, to process the thing. This could mean that they will take the payment out 3 days earlier than you ask for. Which may end up with you being charged, for having no money in your bank. The only good financal thing which has happen lately, is the fact that SAAS told me that I am able to get a loan. Which gives me about an extra £300 a month. Which has its negatives, I mean thats more money to burn a bigger hole. But, if i pay all my bills first, then the rest of the money is mine. Which is what I should do every month, but for some odd reason I don't. The lack of art mentioning in my reccent blogs, should tell you how motivated I am. Well, I seem to spend all my time at home playing Sonic or watching Red Dwarf. As sad as that sounds. Also being doing some looking around websites, for clothes for a sea themed party I am going to in October. I found this Horrorpops striped shirt which had a skull and crossbones on it. It looked so cool, but it was out of stock, and no other website has it. Very irritating
Thursday, 20 August 2009
Yeah, well...
I have been off work today, and wanna know what I have done? Watch tv.
I usually can't be fussed with tv, but I watched so much of it today, it makes up for my usual month worth of tv viewing.
Take soaps, for instance, I watched Eastenders, Hollyoaks, Nieghbours and Coronation Street (i think Hollyoaks was the only one that held my attention though). I spent all afternoon watching Red Dwarf series 2, which in my opinion is the best comedy the BBC have ever shown. Watched some Top Gear, and this thing about trying to get the unemployed jobs. And now I am perched on the couch watching Sex in the City.
I know it sounds really lame, but that programme taught me more about sex and relationships than school ever did. The only thing about it, is that it makes me wish that I was in a relationship. Its not that I don't enjoy my own company, cause I love chilling on my own. Its just it would be nice to have someone other than my cat to cuddle up to. I dunno, I guess everyone goes through that.
Its funny Miranda is going through the same crisis on Sex in the City. The whole I'm going to die alone and my cat will eat my face. Saying that, Billy would probably eat my arm, then raid the fridge. lol.
New obsession. When i am on my own, i had the habit of eating crisps. But now, its drinking loads of tea. Never been a tea drinker, but it keeps me from being bored, and eating myself to an early grave. I mean I dont want to waste my summer of walking (the only resolution for the summer that stuck), by eating crap. I mean, I am at the stage where i am wanting to register for the gym. I have never ever wanted to do that. But walking to work, has made me feel so much more possitive, as odd as that sounds.
Thinking about going swimming at the wing every saturday. Its not to busy
I usually can't be fussed with tv, but I watched so much of it today, it makes up for my usual month worth of tv viewing.
Take soaps, for instance, I watched Eastenders, Hollyoaks, Nieghbours and Coronation Street (i think Hollyoaks was the only one that held my attention though). I spent all afternoon watching Red Dwarf series 2, which in my opinion is the best comedy the BBC have ever shown. Watched some Top Gear, and this thing about trying to get the unemployed jobs. And now I am perched on the couch watching Sex in the City.
I know it sounds really lame, but that programme taught me more about sex and relationships than school ever did. The only thing about it, is that it makes me wish that I was in a relationship. Its not that I don't enjoy my own company, cause I love chilling on my own. Its just it would be nice to have someone other than my cat to cuddle up to. I dunno, I guess everyone goes through that.
Its funny Miranda is going through the same crisis on Sex in the City. The whole I'm going to die alone and my cat will eat my face. Saying that, Billy would probably eat my arm, then raid the fridge. lol.
New obsession. When i am on my own, i had the habit of eating crisps. But now, its drinking loads of tea. Never been a tea drinker, but it keeps me from being bored, and eating myself to an early grave. I mean I dont want to waste my summer of walking (the only resolution for the summer that stuck), by eating crap. I mean, I am at the stage where i am wanting to register for the gym. I have never ever wanted to do that. But walking to work, has made me feel so much more possitive, as odd as that sounds.
Thinking about going swimming at the wing every saturday. Its not to busy
Friday, 17 July 2009
Techology? Enough please.
I seriously can't take it.
After the almighty Windows fail of yesterday, I switched on my laptop today and it tells me their is no audio device driver. It was there last night. How did it vanish over night.
I did manage to go to the HP site and download it, and i have it now.
Crazy.
I am supposed to be tidying up, but I obviously got distracted by important things, like blogging.
I am finishing my flag drawing. Which is supposed to be a tattered flag, and the message is going to be like a thing like 'how united is country where its lying in tatters' or something like that.
Also been inspired by the reccent Harry Potter competition http://news.deviantart.com/article/86393/ and am aiming to create something for Fleur Delacour for Wednesday the 29th July. Whether or not I am ready for then will mean that I'd have to hold off till friday the 31st. (which may well happen as I am working all day Monday, tuesday, Wednesday of that week).
I have something in my head very blue, and ice queen like, mostly because she is part Veela, and that is how I imagine the Veelas being in my head.
After the almighty Windows fail of yesterday, I switched on my laptop today and it tells me their is no audio device driver. It was there last night. How did it vanish over night.
I did manage to go to the HP site and download it, and i have it now.
Crazy.
I am supposed to be tidying up, but I obviously got distracted by important things, like blogging.
I am finishing my flag drawing. Which is supposed to be a tattered flag, and the message is going to be like a thing like 'how united is country where its lying in tatters' or something like that.
Also been inspired by the reccent Harry Potter competition http://news.deviantart.com/article/86393/ and am aiming to create something for Fleur Delacour for Wednesday the 29th July. Whether or not I am ready for then will mean that I'd have to hold off till friday the 31st. (which may well happen as I am working all day Monday, tuesday, Wednesday of that week).
I have something in my head very blue, and ice queen like, mostly because she is part Veela, and that is how I imagine the Veelas being in my head.
Thursday, 16 July 2009
Backwards in coming forwards
This morning I went to switch on my laptop to get a message saying that Windows was unable to boot. I couldn't even start windows in safe mode.
I phoned HP and was on the phone for 45 minutes between 4 different numbers and was offered no help. Which was a major pain in the ass.
I then phoned the Tech Guys, who supply my cover from Currys, and was on the phone to them for 5 minutes and they got things moving again.
The only issue is that I had to return the laptop to the factory settings, so its back to square one and I have nothing on my pc.
The only good thingabout that is that I now have photoshop cs4 trial installed. Hooray.
I'm having to put loads of songs back into my itunes again.
I am so happy, I thought it was going to end up costing me money and it hasn't.
I can't say how relieved I am
I phoned HP and was on the phone for 45 minutes between 4 different numbers and was offered no help. Which was a major pain in the ass.
I then phoned the Tech Guys, who supply my cover from Currys, and was on the phone to them for 5 minutes and they got things moving again.
The only issue is that I had to return the laptop to the factory settings, so its back to square one and I have nothing on my pc.
The only good thingabout that is that I now have photoshop cs4 trial installed. Hooray.
I'm having to put loads of songs back into my itunes again.
I am so happy, I thought it was going to end up costing me money and it hasn't.
I can't say how relieved I am
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